7 Reasons To Look Beyond Looks

This post is totally inspired by that Infamous Nobody aka Tha Unpretentious Narcissist . In his 2 part post he poses the question

Q: does physical attraction supersede all other attraction? can you be with someone you aren't physically attracted to?

I was mid-comment when it hit me. I've never dated a guy for his looks. Like NEVER. Looks have never even been in the top 3 reasons for my attraction to any dude I've ever dated. EVER. I don't have that Chili list tape playing that says he has to fine like a ticket on the dash, reach up to hug tall, w/ 6 pack abs. I do know women who go for the abs and/or the pretty boys and will shut a brotha down for wearing the wrong color dark indigo denim, I'm just not that chick. That said, in my opinion I think most women have an easier time looking past looks. Insert almost any public couple as a reference. Bey/Jay, AKeys/Swizz, The Dream/Who ever he's frolicking on a beach with that day. 

To be clear I've only dated one really not so attractive guy, everyone else was either average or just above average but far from drop dead. My hubby in my opinion is gorgeous. But my point is their appearance wasn't what I liked or didn't like first. I agree with Tha Unpretentious Narcissist that looks are subjective & to his point " love = attraction. if i love you, you're the most beautiful person to me". 

Here are 7 other logical reasons a woman would be with someone she wasn't physically attracted to.  

1. He Power Trips

This is classic Monica Lewinsky territory here. On appearance alone Bill Clinton is not a great looking guy but he was the POTUS and he played the sax on Arsenio. He's a cool dude who obviously likes his women "healthy" and being the leader of the free world is a definite panty dropper or at least a reason to break out the knee pads. Power is attractive. The allure of having a staff or a legion of minions at your mist to do your bidding is a complete turn on. We all know this. 

2. Money Hungry

We need it. It's necessary. We have to have it. Some of us take an easier route to it by dealing with guys that they wouldn't make a sandwich for if he was a broke azz. It's the glitz, the glam, the shopping sprees, the trips to the keys, and all that other stuff Foxy Brown used to rap about before she started assaulting and stalking folks. Yup, we'll overlook Jabber Jaws for a nice rock, a Jag, and a 8 bedroom estate on Miami's Star Island. 

3.He Makes Us Feel Goooood

I watched Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom's Wedding Special and I remember hearing Khloe talk about how much Lamar tells her she's beautiful and how much he loves her and how no one has ever made her feel this way before. If she mentioned why she wanted to marry him inside 30 days of meeting him beyond how he made her feel it was edited out because I didn't hear it. Lamar is average in a Shrek kinda way but he makes her feel like a natural woman like a shiny new beautiful princess. Sometimes that's all it takes.

4. He's Hilarious

Here's an A lovely Dai exclusive. You want to get to the heart of me...make me laugh. If by the end of our date I'm sweating, crying, knee slapping, and holding my stomach you've done well. I will like you. If you can do voices and impressions and re-tell a tale so great the silver screen & James Cameron couldn't do it better, I will love you. If you can turn the dullest or most serious or situations into a laughtastic good time, i.e. closing on a new home, moving with the Russian Mafia who then hold our furniture hostage, or cussing out the repair shop after paying 2 grand for a car that's still not fixed, I will marry you (true stories). A jokester equals a good time and an ability to turn a bad situation into a great story.

5. He's a Great Conversationalist

I am a sucker for a great word smith. I'm a writer. It kinda goes with the territory. I love to word spar with the best of them and if there's actual substance behind those words then whew *fans self*. A great debate or conversation is just hard for me to resist. I have dated a couple of below average guys because they were intellectual, well read, well traveled, in the know kinda dudes. It means you know something; that you can pay attention to something other than Sports Center. If we can discuss Obama's financial overhaul initiatives and the effects Dave Chappelle left on comedy, I might have coffee with you which may or may not lead to another coffee date. Pretty boys often equal dull. I went on a lunch date with this really sexy, handsome, built specimen of a man who also happened (at the time) to play professional football. It was a total snooze fest. I had more fun conversing with the waiter. 

6. He's a Neat Freak

I dated a guy who was a complete slob, car, apartment, everything. I couldn't get past it. We didn't work. I added "slob" to my list of deal breakers. I then dated a guy who would come over to my apartment and straighten up before I got there if I worked late. I kept him around. To me, being neat isn't just about being clean and tidy, it translates into other areas of their life. Is he on time? Organized? Is he careful with his money? Smell yummy? Does he take time for his own appearance, hair cut, shave, clean shoes, finger nails, etc?  I'll take an average nice looking clean/neat dude over a sexy slob any day. 

7. He Goes Above & Beyond 

That dude who used to come to clean up for me used to also make me breakfast in the morning. Let me re-phrase. He would wake up an hour earlier than he needed to, drive to my home, and make me breakfast!  

He was dedicated and committed to showing me how he felt. Sometimes the really fine, tall, dark, and handsome guy has pretty boy syndrome. They know women will swoon over their looks & so they don't work as hard to please you. I like my men strong, confident, and often cocky, but sweetness goes a long way. Nicer looking guys sometimes lack this trait. 

So here are my 7 reasons to look beyond looks. What am I missing? If you've ever looked beyond someone's appearance what did you find?

The floor is open.

Flaming Esophagus & Why I Need A Medical Alert Bracelet

Ok so I've been trying to write this for a while now...you'll see why the details don't flow easily...

Follow me now...

So I decided to bite the bullet and see a doctor for my flaming esophagus. I really don't know how else to explain it except that my esophagus was on fire. Some of you may refer to this phenomenon as heartburn, indigestion, or even acid reflux. However, I refer to it as flaming esophagus. Screw Web MD. As my luck would have it after visting my NP, Nurse Practitioner (I hate doctors, they practice medicine & until they figure it out I'll take my chances with band aids and tea) & giving her my symptons she thinks I should see an ENT, Ears, Nose, Throat doctor. I agree. The plan seems simple. I go in. We'll do a fairly simple scan for polyps (tissue build up in places it shouldn't be) and a quick swallow study (to make sure food isn't going down the wrong pipe...never can be too safe). The tiny camera used for part of this procedure can cause mild throat irritation & discomfort so a mild twilight sedation is used to put me at ease. Awesome, sounds like a great Friday morning.

The hubby agrees to take since me since I'm undergoing mild anesthesia. All is right with the world. The week before I'm told to document my meals. Great. My NP notices a common theme. All my loving foods are killing me. Apparently I am an acid queen. Lemon, lime, tomatoes, coffee, tea, balsamic vinegar, hot sauce, hot everything, I really like it hot. My diet is Dante's Inferno. I spend the week drinking chocolate soy milk and Pepto Bismal. I hate everyone.

Doctor day. I show up 15 minutes early for my 10:15 appointment. The receptionist already dislikes me because I make her call in my health coverage. I guess she didn't like my handwritten sharpie inked ID numbers scrawled over the ones on the card. I had called my insurance provider to clear this visit & was told my card number has been replaced. New cards were issued but I didn't get them in time for this appointment. Marcy the medical receptionist is not having any of this and makes me call them to fax over an insurance eligibility form. She also refuses to call them herself because of HIPPA laws & her inability to operate a phone. I hate her too.

It takes 3 hours for my insurance company to fax over a form.The hubby and I spend this time watching bad movies on the flat screen and deciding what we'll eat for lunch. There's a seafood place nearby that looks promising and a sub shop. He's exciting and hungry. He calls his job and tells him that he won't be in later. He's now hungry and irritated. Losing possible commission does that to you.

I'm now on a first name basis with Amber the customer service rep at my insurance company. She wishes me well and apologizes for my inconvenience. She tells me that they have a separate correspondence department that handles all correspondence including my fax that it's queue to be faxed. I hate them all. Super Amber who I imagine doesn't want to talk to me get cussed at anymore decides to go find said correspondence and fax it herself.Go Amber Go!!! She does. All is right with the world.

I do a quick pre-op blood pressure screen (which is now slightly up because I'm pissed off), pay my co-pay, and my hubby & I meet with a nurse who describes the procedure and mild sedation. They also get the hubby's cell phone # to call in case he leaves the waiting room.

I go in the dark room with a chair that's upright dentist office style. The doctor and his nurse entourage enter the room, flash on some 1000 watt light. Everything is now really bright and clinical. I hate doctor offices. He re-introduces himself and asks me who driving me home. Strange? I tell him the hubby is in the waiting room...waiting. He tells me to lean back. He finds a vein on my right arm. He tells me to let him know when I feel a slight burn, that's the anesthesia. A pain med will follow.

"Anything?" He asks.

"Nothing yet, oh there it is..." Black out.

Eyes open. I'm in a big comfy reclining chair. There's a heating pad on my chest. Black out.

Eyes open. A nurse is hurrying me to the car. Our white car is glowing. Why is it glowing? Black out.

Eyes open. "Babe I think that doctor put me all the way to sleep. That wasn't supposed to happen." Black out.

Eyes open. I'm falling into a wooden bench in the seafood joint. I'm trying to read the menu but it's in Sanskrit or Arabic. "I don't want to eat here!" Black out.

Eyes open. I see a sign. Today's Special. Cheese steak, fries, drink $4.99. Black out.

Eyes open. I'm in a booth. Head in my hand. The hubby's eating. Why is he eating so fast? Black out.

Eyes open. I'm painting french fries ketchup red. Black out. 

Eyes open. I see a trash can. I can make it. I throw up in front of the sub shop. I don't make the trash can. Remember the vomit. Black out.

Eyes open. I'm throwing up in a grossed out bathroom. I don't make the toilet. It's an improvement. Remember the vomit. Black out. 

Eyes open. There are trees and power lines overhead and they're moving really reeeaalllyyy fast. Black out.

Eyes open. "Are you my mother?" Black out.

Eyes open. "Babe, we're home. Come on." Dood: "Mommy, you were sleeping all day." I get out of the car and walk as normally as possible up to the first floor. Fidget is at the computer. "Hey Mommy." Please don't turn around. Please don't turn around. There's a coke can in my hand. I dump it in the sink. Remember the vomit. I go in my bathroom brush my teeth & gargle, change my shirt. Black out.

Eyes open. "Joshua leave Mommy alone!!" Black out.

Eyes open. Derrick walks in with his shirt and tie on. I glance at the clock. 10:02pm. Black out.

Eyes open. Derrick is standing over me with a tee shirt and basketball shorts on.

"Where you been?" I ask.

"Babe, I just came back from work." I'm so effing confused I just blank stare at him."You don't remember?"

"Where the kids?"

"Dood is sleep. Lyric is downstairs. You been sleep all this time?"

"Yeah. Why did you leave me?"

"Babe you told me to go to work!"

"I told you to go to work? I don't even know what happened today!"

This is the part when I realize my yummy hubby has failed me. I go back to sleep. I wake at 5 in the morning still comfuzzled and trying to put the pieces together. I get so pissed trying to talk to him I text my bestie who has worked in every doctors office in the state of Maryland. Surely she knows more than the man who should.

She calls me back. She tells me that I may have been overdosed, that the heating pad is used to bring a person back up to their normal temperature, and she cautions that I add this to my permanent medical file in case I did have a bad reaction to the anesthesia. Thank you Kasey and may your husband watch over you when you can't watch over yourself.

I now have a burst of energy I haven't had in days. I start cleaning off my dresser. I discover my prescription, the post-op paperwork from the doctors office, and a stack of pamphlets...a stack of the very same pamphlet.

"Uh...Derrick. What the heck is this?"

"I don't  know. You gave 'em to me."

"I gave you a stack of 20 of the same pamphlet?? You don't see anything weird about that?"

Now he looks Dood-like. Caught. In trouble. He's right. Now I'm fuming. I fuss at him for leaving me. For letting me order a cheese steak, fries, and a coke. I don't eat this on a regular day. It would make sense not to have the woman going to the doctor for flaming esophagus who then gets accidentally drugged and put to sleep with a belly full of acid order the freakin' cheese steak, fries, and coke!!!!

"Well you threw up the fries." Sigh.  He's real close to going to the top of my hate list. But then I realize I don't have one glimpse of eating the cheese steak. I ask him when that happened.

"You woke up on the way to pick up Dood and said you felt nauseous. You ate it in the car."

"Okay so even after I vomited french fries and ketchup all over some poor schmucks sub shop you then let me eat the cheese steak in our car on the highway?" He failed. I'm done.

Who's husband is he anyway? I ask what happens now? Do I call the doctor's office for my results? Does someone call me? When will the results be ready? He knows nothing.

"Babe. I know you were hungry. I know you wanted to make sure we picked Dood up on time. And lawd knows I know you need to make your money, but I have to know that when I'm not in my right mind you'll be alert enough to take care of me."

"Of course, my bad."

"I mean seriously. If I'm drunk you're not gonna let me drive right?"

"No, I'm not gonna let you drive. That would be stupid."

End scene.

The moral of this tale. Never let you hubby be your emergency contact.

Lessons From A Reformed Cheater Part 2

Yesterday I posted part 1 of this series. If you haven't read Part 1, please click here. I guess I half expected at least one WTF comment but to my surprise I received positive feedback, mostly for my candor. I appreciate that. Please enjoy these additional lessons from this reformed cheater.

7. Karma is a Bish but Vindictiveness can make you do some real stupid ish.
JT was right. What goes around comes around. Eventually you will reap what you sow. Five years into my relationship with my ex he decided to cheat on me with a much older married woman. I was devastated. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I didn't know what to do. And if you believe that I have a White House V.I.P. pass for sale for $20. Any takers? Truthfully I was a little hurt and I could have chalked the whole thing up to karma but I didn't. My ego said f*ck him! So what really happened was I packed up and left immediately that Wednesday, moved in with an old friend on Friday, and got engaged to this friend on Saturday. Straight azzhole move. I couldn't be vulnerable long enough to feel that kind of pain and my subsequent rebound hurt another decent guy. I've since learned to accept full responsibility for all I do and revenge & I now have a long distance relationship.

8. Failure is an option
I was reading The Dream's statement about his pending divorce from Christina Milian. Personal feelings aside he had a few valid points. In one point he writes, "I was just simply scared and embarrassed to let everyone know we WERE FAILING and HAVE NOW FAILED!" I totally understand him. In the beginning of my relationship with my ex we were a golden couple. We looked good together and seemed to have what it took to keep it going. Years later after we had our daughter we maintained appearances for her and our family. Marriage was discussed but the damage was done. By this time we both had trust issues. I didn't want to spend my life apologizing for the things I did in high school. Sometimes you can't win. Sometimes it's better to cut your losses and move on. As a result, we chose failure over hurting each other more.

9. Hurt People Hurt People
I was 14 when I started dating my ex. I was 15 when I learned my biological father's name. I was 15 when I met him. I was 15 when I started cheating on my ex. I was 15 when I was almost raped walking to my other friend's house. On my 16th b'earthday my parents split up. The next few years were a blur. I use the term wreckless a lot because it's the only way I can describe those years. It's hard to care for others when you don't care about anything. If I had a Love License it should have been revoked. I was way too dangerous with "love" and hurt almost everyone in my path. If I knew then what I know now I wouldn't have been with anyone at all. Women carry pain in bags. Men topple pain over like dominoes. My ex spent the last 11 years disrespecting, cursing, and abusing his girlfriend. I spent years relieving myself of the guilt. At some point it hit me that my indiscretions didn't just hurt him but it changed the person he was becoming. I altered everything that was good about him. He's just now getting back to happy.

10. Platonic Friendships...HA!
I can't have them. Every guy that I crossed the line with was a "friend" first. It all starts off innocently. You're hanging together, studying together, or working together. Just kicking it. Then somebody gets hungry. You grab a bite. Then a movie. Then it's "Hey what are you doing this weekend?" Then next weekend and the one after that. You're best buds now. He looks a little different now and wow...not one argument. Then "it' just happens. A touch. A kiss. More. He tells you that he always wanted you. That he was just buying his time. You're not sure if he was ever a friend in the first place and now you just want to go home. That's about when crazy shows up. Note: Please don't be led to believe that women are the only unstable creatures in the universe. Men hide keys and slash tires too. The moral is this. Friends are awesome. Have some. Just keep the conversations light and the boundaries clearly defined and all will be well. And if you have issues at home or in your relationships stay clear of those "friends".

11. Cheating is not always about sex
I love having this debate with men. Every guy I've discussed cheating with all say the same thing. "I didn't even like her like that, it was just something to do. It was just sex." Just sex huh? Within 5 minutes I usually break them. I find out that they were not the best looking dude back in the day & now the wavy hair light skinned girls like them now because they have a few degrees and a nice car. Or they're Dad was a player & they aspire to be a "man" just like him. Or their girlfriend doesn't have time for them because she's too busy working & trying to get her PhD but she has time for Ralph her study buddy. The list goes on. The single biggest misconception about cheating and infidelity is the idea that the other person must be better than you, smarter than you, nicer looking, or provide better horizontal stimulation. Totally false. There's a world of stories where seemingly decent people are cheated on with not so decent people. Sandra Bullock anyone? So if it's not as simple as "the sex was great" (which may be true) or that other person has more to offer, then what is it? It's really simple. People cheat to feel better about themselves. I cheated to regain a sense of power and control that I lost in other parts of my life. I used boys to make me feel better about me. Period.

12. Single Lady
Somewhere after my failed relationship and my last boyfriend I realized something that shouldn't have been a shock. I had never been single. I was even in relationships within my relationship. My dating life was one big blur. And I really enjoy my own company. I like being alone. I love doing me. So for a bit more than a year I did just that. I was a single lady for the first time in my adult life. I traveled with girlfriends. I advanced at work. My daughter and I took vacations and mini road trips. It was the most necessary time in my life. I came away transformed, renewed, refreshed. I knew what I wanted and needed. I dealt with the guilt of being a bad girlfriend. I mourned those bad relationships and everyone I hurt. I bid farewell to the girl I used to be. I made peace with issues that I didn't know I had and put most of my baggage down. I let most of it go. By the time I started dating my hubby I knew exactly what worked and what didn't. I knew how to communicate effectively. I knew when to speak up and when to not sweat the small stuff. I knew how to never say things I didn't mean. I knew how to love without injury. I let my husband lead and he balanced me, calmed me, and brought out the softer side of me. More importantly, I was growing into the woman I wanted to be.



Issues and age aside I knew right from wrong. My moral compass still pointed due north. I simply chose a different direction to learn the tough lessons of love and relationships. I'm especially thankful that I learned these lessons early. I would hate to be 30 something still "wookin pa nub" in all the wrong places. I tell my hubby that I'm so glad he came in my life when he did. I tell him that if I didn't take that year off or if we started dating any time before I would have ran all over him. Instead of being the love of my life he would probably be on the list of guys who hate me.

Ciao for now.

The floor is open.

Lessons From A Reformed Cheater Part 1

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I A lovely Dai was a cheater. Not surprising to those who knew me when...but an ultimate shock for those who know me now. I take that back...it's still shocking for those who knew me then. Why? Because...I...was...good. And a good girl never tells right?

Some of my exploits are the stuff of legend. Some were just plain ole embarrassing. But everything and I do mean everything I did many moons ago has made me a helluva awesome wife/lover/companion now. Ask about me.

Anyhoo...although there are still a few people picking up the pieces of my wreckless abandonment I learned a LOT. I wouldn't have changed 97% of it and I have minimal regrets. Whoever says they don't have any regrets is a friggin liar!!!!

I preface this by stating that I do not glamorize nor condone my actions. I do however take full responsibility for them. Second disclaimer: I have never been unfaithful to my yummy hubby. These events are pre-him, pre-marriage, and mostly high school & college tales. I also share this because there's a misconception that men are the only ones who cheat. That's garbage. Women are just better multi-taskers and usually don't get caught as fast or as frequently as men. 

Overall, I'm glad I lived through that part of my life and am able to share some of the common sense I lacked then with you now.

So here are a few of the lessons this reformed cheater learned:

1. The grass may actually be greener on the other side: Get over there or get over it.
By the second year of my tug of war relationship I met this really cool dude. He was everything my boyfriend wasn't. Funny, outgoing, the life of the party type. To this day he's the only boy I've ever sang in front of. He read my poetry and he got it. He got me. We bonded. It was serious. I didn't think anyone would ever compare to my boyfriend but he was better. I had a two year relationship with this dude. In the end none of his glowing qualities were enough to make me want to leave my boyfriend for him. There are cool guys everywhere. They are often more handsome, funnier, sweeter, take better care of you, whip up a better meal, better in bed, & have bigger wallets. Some of them have all of these qualities at once. If you want Mr. Better-Than-The-One-I'm-With go with him and make it work. Otherwise, accept the person you're with because guess what? They have to accept you too.

2. Leave Monogamy to the Grown Folks
I could give you a laundry list of  why I didn't just leave my boyfriend instead of cheating on him. I could tell you that I felt trapped...torn. I could tell you at times a bit brainwashed. I could tell you that I was wreckless and told him about my first encounter with infidelity, and how empowered I felt because he didn't leave me. None of that mattered. I was just too young to be in a monogamous relationship. No young person should label themselves anyone's boyfriend or girlfriend. It's all too much too soon. Sure you need someone to go to ring dances & proms with but keep it light. Have friends. Get to know the opposite sex without being glued to them. 

3. Forget history. It's in the past.
As idiotic as it was my boyfriend and I both found reasons to stay together that had nothing to do with love and/or growth. We just had history. We had been together for so long that we didn't know how not to be together. Well it took him longer than it took me. I had an easier time walking away because I already knew that there were other guys in the world more suited for me. I wasn't scared to start over because I was kind of already doing it.

4. Forget Paris
I watched Forget Paris this weekend. Love that movie. Billy Crystal & Debra Winger meet in Paris, fall in love, and try desperately to hang on to the magic they had when they first met. As years go by neither of them are happy with the way things are going.  Eventually as rom coms go they make an effort to "Forget Paris" and live in the present. Happy endings all around. Even though this is a movie we all do this. We spend our relationships trying to recreate the magic and spark of the beginning. It can never be like that again. That newness you feel only happens with a new person and will undoubtedly wear off. Guess what? That really cool feeling I had with my 2 year dude wore off. After a while he wasn't any shinier and newer than the boyfriend I already had. Ask Jennifer Lopez. Ask Mel Gibson.

5. Game recognizes game and Cheaters recognize...well...Cheaters.
I remember the exact moment I knew my last boyfriend was seeing someone else. We had been together for a couple years. We even lived together for a year until we realized it was just too soon. I moved out. Anyway, he was at my house and he got a phone call. He answered the phone. His tone wasn't different, he didn't even leave the room to speak. But he turned his back to me. It was subtle and would have easily gone unnoticed by anyone else. However, it was a move I had perfected. The goal is to appear as if the call is like any other call and not worthy of leaving the room. You can always fake a "just friend" tone but you can't fake a facial reaction. That requires additional skill...or a cover story that it's your cousin calling to see what's up for the cookout this weekend...for good measure lean over & ask your man sitting right there if he wants to go to that cookout. Oooh did I say too much? Back to the point. Two weeks later I caught him with this mystery chick. Good thing I had already moved out huh? He was so busy thinking about all the azz he could get since I moved out he wasn't thinking about what I was doing in my new place. Oh well.

 6. Love is not always stronger than Pride
Sorry Sade but I have to respectfully disagree. You see that whole, "I know you did it just admit it" only works in theory. In practice if you know something for sure you don't need evidence. The writing is usually already on the wall. But it's not love that makes us blind. It's pride. My ex really didn't want to know the truth. No one does. He wanted to believe that this girl he fell in love with was just as faithfully head over heels for him too. He couldn't handle the truth. He didn't even have the tools to do it. So he chose to believe what he wanted and I helped him every step of the way. On the other hand, my pride wouldn't let me acknowledge my faults. His love for self and my love for him were never a priority.


Fiona Apple "Criminal"


Click here for Lessons From A Reformed Cheater Part 2.

The floor is open.

I'm Taking My Womb To South Beach

I've said this before but if you really want to upset some folks tell 'em that you don't want to have any more kids. Tell them that you, married, homeowner, tax payer, seemingly already good enough mother does NOT want to procreate anymore. A strange phenomemon happens.

Their happy little face turns to this morbid comfuzzled look. "Why not? Don't you think Dood needs a little brother or sister?" Ummmm....sure. That's why I pay a staggering amount of my salary to a great pre-school where he enjoys a plethora of "brothers and sisters" everyday Monday thru Friday from 9-5.

I've said this before. Society and by society I mean crazy doctors do not give a rat's behind if you are not taking birth control as a married person. It's like there's some weird disconnect that a wedding band  automatically equals willingness, stability, and ability to add to the population responsibly. It doesn't.

Me at doc's office:

So Mrs. M are you currently using any birth control?
Uh No...
Well are you trying for another?
Uh No...
Well, alright...we'll see you next year.

This really happened to me. And it's insane. I'm not a Duggard. I don't know how that woman stays and prays as happily as she does. The third kid would have put me out of commission. That chick had 19. Willingly.

Yeah kids are a blessing...blah blah blah. But there is a perfect balance in my home right now. 2 adults, 2 kids. Dining table for 4. Three bedrooms. 2 sedans. Where the heck would this extra kid sleep, eat, ride in the car? And who's paying that tuition bill? I'm just saying. My mom had 4 with less than I have now. I'm the oldest of this set. If you ask her how she did she will tell you she was a little crazy. I guess I'm just not that insane.

My kids are 10 years apart. That wasn't a happy accident. There was a complete Broadway production involved to protect my womb for the right man and the right time. This includes a 10 foot protective order during ovulation. Okay that's a stretch...the point is it's a lot of work and I'm exhausted. Battling nature is exhausting.

Why not just tie the tubes, pop a pill, slap on a patch, stick a tiny T up in the vajayjay , or better yet snip the hubby?

All valid points. I did the hormonal thing for years...got the boobs to prove it. Shots, and patches just seem so cruel and unusual to me. Tying tubes is just way too invasive when the hubby would only require a little local anesthesia. And that tiny T is like something out of the 70's.

But alas desperate times call for permanent measures.

So after much soul searching and praying I have decided that the battle of womb preservation can not be won alone. I'm going for the big win....which for me is NOT ever ever ever ever getting pregnant never ever again. Seven years with the hubby is a long time to trying to win alone...I'm taking my womb to South Beach. The naysayers will talk...I might even piss off a few fans...but I have to do this for me.

I'll keep ya posted but I'm wondering. What's everyone else doing? Most of us are young, fertile, women with a slew of child bearing years left.What's your preferred method?

The floor is open.

This Week in Random Ish

I've been under and over the weather this week...I'm sick & it's just too hot. Clarity isn't my friend at the moment but here's some random ish I've learned this week.

1. Men are wimps. If any of your testicle hanging males (I hate when men call women females..we're not livestock. I'm gonna start saying males as much as possible) had to endure what we endure you'd be hospitalized on a morphine drip and out of commission indefinitely.

2. Telling your family that you switched your home phone to the 200 minute a month Vonage plan because they are the ONLY ones that call will NOT stop them from calling you 12 times before noon. I'm looking at you Auntie! And no I will not keep my cell phone handy. There are no emergencies. There hasn't been one and there won't be one. Also, I live in a different state. I'm probably not going to get there any faster than any one else you can call IF there really is a 911.

3. I hate heat. Unless it involves a desert, some casinos, and a really good buffet.

4. Letting your Dood run a muck is a sure fire way to get the hubby to work all day and come home vacuuming and washing dishes.

5. Letting your Dood run a muck is a sure fire way to piss said hubby off when coming home to a cracker crumbed living room and destroyed kitchen.

6. Slamming cabinets when putting said dishes away will still not make me get up to help and act like I care. At the moment I don't.

7. It takes at least 5 hours to go to the store for toilet paper and laundry detergent and at least 3 hours to wash one load of clothes when you feel like crap.

8. Never mention fireworks to any kid with a good memory.

9. Doctors practice medicine. They don't solve problems they treat them. They don't diagnose, they guess.

10. Never ever ever ever leave a tub of whipped cream eye level to a Dood in the fridge.

11. Don't bother telling your co-worker the funny story of how your Dood flipped upside down in the pool, legs pointing to the sky in his floaty thing and how his big sister had to save him. They will not think it's funny and will immediately let you know that the high school offers swim classes.

12. I feel obligated to blog in sickness and in health.