Monday, January 10, 2011
HomieHubbyFriend A.K.A. The One Where I Told My Hubby To Check Out This Girl's Milkshake
Yes, I have been known to say the darndest things: Babe sit down I'll clean up. You work too hard you should take a day off. Here prop your feet up. Football's on & hey...*hand over netbook with video playing of this here*...welcome home.
I'll wait *sips hot cocoa*.
For those of you brave enough to click the above link you understand. That girl...whew...I mean really...to have the left cheek completely isolated from the right. That takes years of practice. That sista is skilled. I ain't gonna say that I found her on twitter & DM'd her but I found her on twitter & DM'd her. This chick needs a How To video or something. Moving on...like her azz (I couldn't help myself).
Anyway...so would you like to know what the hubby said to me after watching just a few seconds (only a few) of this? Would you like to know of all the azz-tastic things he could have referenced what vile things spewed from his lips? He said,
"She's really talented."
What fo' lawd & all that's right with the world was this comment? I showed you azz...jigggling...I scoured the depths of twitter, inboxed this to no less than 10 of my online buddies & a couple of my sistas who could appreciate her blessings & all you can say is she's really talented? Fo' shame!
And this people is how it went throughout our last minute date night.
I asked if he'll ever be at least 94% comfortable with me. He replied dazed & confused wondering what he did wrong. I stated that I understand that I'm not one of his boys but I used to be & this marriage mess is messing up that part of us.
"So you want me to treat you like one of my boys? You don't even let me call y'all 'females'."
"Well we're not cattle & 'female' is a slippery slope to bytch. But no, I don't wannt just be one of the guys...I don't know...I'm confused now."
And I was. I was remembering my friend, my homie that I used to hang with before things took a left turn to my boo-ville. I was remembering our clubs nights & house parties. Drinking games & miniature golf. I was remembering the days before we became an us with a marriage license.
"I guess I'm just wondering when I got trapped in the wife only box." This is the part where the convo starts making no sense at all. I mean don't women aspire to be the WIFE? Isn't that the goal for some?
"I was the last person you sent that link to. You put ME in the husband box too." He had a point. But still what is this all about, I wondered. The other night I played sneak attack text with him from my iPod & a random phone number. Not only did he not care about this "other woman" flirting with him, he didn't tell me about her, and he made sure to tell the "mysterious chick" that he was married. Lawd, how nice is this guy?
"So you want me to treat you like a jerk? You wanna be disrespected & watch me check out other women?"
"Okay, I realize that all of this is insane. I mean...I'm complaining about you treating me with dignity & respect. This has got to be one for the books."
"Listen, I know you don't have many guy friends like you used to..."
"Yes!!" I cut him off. "That's it! Ding, ding, ding. Waiter give this man a drink! *drum rolls on table* That's it. I don't have any guy friends anymore. You are now my only guy friend. If we can't talk sports, music, & booty then I am screwed."
And it could get real dull around these parts. I'm curious to know what you guys think. I realize my logic is not typical woman speak. I also realize that my hubby is part of a dying breed of gentlemen.
Am I insane to want my hubby to discuss all things bootay with me? Or should I stay in the sane lane of respectful days and loving nights & blah blah blah snore blah??
The floor is open.