|See? They're making it work!|
Simply put the heart will never do what your brain tells it. They will always be at opposite ends of the love spectrum. Example: You know Hakim is a disrespectful, lazy, no good dude. He won't even pick his Momma up from the airport. What kinda man won't pick his Momma up from the airport? Terrible. Just terrible. Yet you stay with him. You stay even after everyone from the your girls to the lady in nail shop tell you to leave. Why? Glad you asked. Because you're heart doesn't do what your brain tells it. It's impossible.
Now you're probably thinking. Well then we're all screwed. You're right. We are. We're also humans that thrive on companionship
Is it COMMUNICATION?
Sure that's a component. I mean you have to be able to express a thought to get what you need. That's what all the older gray haired couples tell us right? Isn't this up there with never go to bed angry? Talk talk talk. That's what everyone says. Ask the right questions (whatever they are) and basically interview your potential life mate. Hmmm...close but no still a doughnut short of a bakers dozen.
So then the answer is YOU SHOULD BE FRIENDS FIRST.
Yup, you should at least know a person pre-romance enough to want to just hang out with them. You should have some stuff in common to at least hold a conversation effortlessly. You should actually...umm...how should I say this...like them. But as nice as this sounds this isn't the secret either.
So if communication isn't the key and establishing a friendship first isn't the primary factor to a great relationship then what Dai is it? Glad you asked.
You want to know what the secret is? You want to know what makes for a winning fulfilling relationship? Here it folks.
Find someone as messed up as you are and grow together.
Huh? I don't want someone messed up like me...I'm not even messed up. Am I?
Yes, you're messed up. Don't fret. We all are. We're human. Which explains why when trying to find a mate we either do one of two things. We tend to look for someone significantly out of our league or someone 2000 leagues under the sea.
Typically women go for someone who will take care of them, thus finding someone out of their league. I know, I know we don't want to imagine that someone is out our league. However, if you're struggling to make ends meet living paycheck to paycheck and he's a successful entrepreneur with cash to spare it may seem that you've found a winner. But alas you are mistaken. Here's what will happen. He'll love you for a while, he may even take care of you. Eventually he'll meet Sandy at some smart person convention & they'll talk about all kinds of new techie things and then they'll have a drink. And we all know what happens after they have a drink so...
The other side of the coin is the woman who finds a fixer upper guy. She takes him home, feeds him, cleans him up, and teaches him how to put his dirty drawers in the clothes hamper. You know what happens next right? He fixes his shiny new behind right out of there to the next chick.
Okay, okay. I hear you. Dai that doesn't always happen! You're generalizing. I know a rich guy who married his waitress who worked at Applebees blah blah blah...
Truthfully, I don't care about that guy or that waitress unless she's also a cook & then maybe we can swap recipes or something. I digress...I only care about you. Yes you! If you like to skydive over New York City after Sunday brunch at least twice a month then you better find someone who can appreciate that. If you've been fired from every job you've ever had including your mother's bakery then you may need someone who is a little challenged in the employment department. If you have three bad azz kids then...you...you may need a belt.
There's a point somewhere.
Oh...here it is. Relationships are the crux of the human experience and the growth opportunity lies within the most successful ones. It stands to reason when you're looking for someone who's a 6ft, church going, corporate thug who loves his momma, that you would include someone I can learn from and grow with on that list.
Have you ever read a relationship book? Have you ever learned anything of value from one that you actually applied in real life? Does anyone know who makes Steve Harvey's suits?