I've never played matchmaker before but I thought I saw something that could work between one of my besties & a dear guy friend. We hung out in groups a few times and eventually my guy friend asked about her. So I told my bestie that he was interested. She asked more about him.
"He's really cool...really sweet...a perfect gentlemen. Very funny. He's a crazy hard worker..." This went on for a while.
Afterward my friend was quiet and asked the best question ever. "So why aren't you with him?"
I answered with a quick "we're just friends".
And we were and at times we were like brother/sister and who wants to date their brother? Also, I thought, if we dated and it didn't work it could reek havoc amongst our group.
"Well...", she said. "He sounds like a nice guy."
And there it was. The nice guy blow off.
Not every guy is equipped to be America's Next Top Alpha Male but it shouldn't exclude nice guys from being in the running. It baffles me. Women want to be treated with respect but often end up with jerks. We want chivalry while emasculating men at the same time. We want him to love his momma but call him a momma's boy when he does. And I know this because I used to be this chick. Why?
Funny you should ask. I made a list. Like to read it...here it goes.
1. Insecure/Lacks Confidence:
Nice guys are usually the ones that go unnoticed. They're at the party holding the sofa moving in silence.They don't have a list of lines to scroll down so when (if) they approach you it's usually something as normal as "Hey, how are you? Are you having a good time?" They don't feel the need to rock the latest gear or drive the hottest car. He's often seen as a "cornball" who wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight.
What's wrong with this:
Since when did being quiet become a tell tale sign of a lack of confidence? Maybe he's just deep thinker? Who needs a pick up line when any woman I know can knock down a question like "how are you" with a well reserved monologue. And while I appreciate a handsomely dressed man like the next chick I appreciate a great character more. Nice doesn't equal socially awkward. You can change clothes & cars but you can't change being a jerk.
Nice guys by their very nature are well...nice. Maybe it's all the "pleases" and "thank yous"...you know manner & shyt. Maybe it's their baby face...they got the cutest little baby face. For some reason chick logic screams, "He wouldn't know what to do with it. RUN!!" Or my personal favorite, "Girl, I'd run all over him."
Why you should give him a chance:
Nice guys have a luxury of being observant. They're often the ones we bare our souls to. How many of us have a great friend that we can talk to about anything? Who wouldn't eventually learn a thing or two from all of that chatter? What many consider inexperience I consider a lack of applied study. They learn what not to do from a lot of the examples they hear and witness. What they may lack in experience they will compensate with their drive & desire to please you. And it's genuine. Being nice for the nice guy isn't a choice. They're drawn that way.
This is the biggest complaint about the nice guy. The piece de resistance of them all. They're not spontaneous. They lack passion. They're not creative. They're not the life of the party and don't seem to have much fun. Women want to be swept off their feet and hanged from chandeliers and such. Right? These guys just don't fit the bill. Yup...I think this pretty much covers it.
Another way to look at it:
The only thing Steve Harvey & I can agree on is that a man who is willing to share his life with you has a plan for you. It may not include last minute trips to Barbados or surprise office visits for a little afternoon delight because he's too busy thinking five years ahead. You're thinking flowers for no reason. He's thinking getting the best interest on your mortgage. And there's nothing wrong with that. God forbid you have a guy who actually thinks, plans ahead, & has goals more than 12 months into the future. Yeah that does sound boring. *end sarcasm* By the way, two over the top spontaneous people could never work. Someone has to be the voice of reason.
Bottom line is this. Men have no qualms about meeting a nice, quiet, shy girl. In fact, she's often respected--admired even. Men want to take care of the nice girl. They open doors for her and take her to meet Mom. The nice girl is applauded for being loyal and having a heart of gold.
The nice guy however, gets no love. Trust me, I get it. As I said up-post I used to overlook them too. I preferred guys who were a little rough around the edges. It's that old adage of women wanting to be with a man that will protect her & keep her safe. But what's more secure than being with a thoughtful man who has your best interests at heart?
So glad I smartened up...opened the market up. Oh & that nice guy that I tried to pawn off on my bestie? I married him. And several years later he's a lot nicer than I thought.