Alovelydai

I'm Not Dead...I'm Living...Kinda

2011-09-20T07:20:00.000-04:00

Last week I had a dream that my hubby & I were making love while Morgan Freeman narrated it. The week before I dreamed that Odd Future came out of my attic, burglarized our home, and did a mixtape about it.

I figured it was time to write again.

The leaves have turned and the sun no longer overstays it's welcome. Our summer's dead y'all. And maybe that's for the best. As for my summer there were no palm trees and white sandy beaches. There was no fireworks on the vineyard or a smiley faced mice hanging out near Cinderella's Castle. Nope.

There was me avoiding a lay off when my entire department was let go in another office. There was me training my new manager and co-workers. There was my new manager being diagnosed with not one but two forms of cancer.

There was Dat Dood falling on his face at preschool pushing his front tooth up in his gums. There still is several dental bills. There was a horrible tampon pool incident (don't ask, I won't tell). There was an ant invasion that quite frankly I'm still recovering from. There were phone calls from the principal and guidance counselor at Dood's new school to discuss tantrums and transitions. There was us telling them to figure him out just like we had to (gosh it's only Kindergarten).

There was the beautiful Saturday morning when I took the kids to breakfast, did a little grocery shopping, got the car washed, an oil change, and gassed it up only to have the transmission fail once we got home. There was me having a silent memorial for our car's Bose stereo system (damn I'm gonna miss listening to music in that car). There was my husband wheeling and dealing his way into a new car using our beautiful piece of shyt as a trade in.

There was an earthquake, a hurricane, power outages, and floods. There was a Throne to Watch, i.e. Jay & Bey's baby. A Destiny's Child for sure.

As I predicted life went on whether I wrote anything or not. I admit I miss this space. I miss all of you. So we'll see out this goes. Good thing is I'm not dead...I'm just living...well...kinda.

Marriage Between Love & Love

2011-07-25T00:00:00.000-04:00

"I believe that marriage isn't between a man & woman but between love & love"

~We All Try, Frank Ocean.

Every weekend I tend to slip into an I-Miss-My-Hubby funk. I hate it. So while I was deep in mid-distraction efforts I came across this piece on Gawker, "Sweet Scenes From Today's Same-Sex Weddings in NY". Let me tell you that I just about broke in two.

This picture right here people.

Phyllis Siegel (left) and Connie Kopelov (right) of New York City,
the first same-sex couple to get married at the Manhattan City Clerk's office

Can you fathom the length of time that they were together without even the opportunity to wed? Given their age I imagine that they may have had to shield their love at some time in their lives. I picture them making everyone else comfortable in their apartment building--acting more like roommates or sisters rather than lovers.

And this right here.

Wendy Torrington (left) & Kimberly Moreno (right)

My word. My girl showed up in flip flops and capris, giving no damns about having a Vera Wang gown, a big wedding party or an orchestra serenading her down the aisle. She simply wanted to do what most of us take for granted. Here that J Lo! And the joy on her face is simply beautiful. Jesus be a Kleenex!

Let me tell you all something. My hubby & I joke about this all the time but when we got our marriage license no one even checked our IDs!!! We gave no blood sample to prove we were not related. We showed up, paid a few dollars and exited marriage license in hand. It was a bit surreal. To get a drivers license I needed a picture ID and two pieces of mail with my name on it. I took 2 weeks of driving school, a written test to get my permit, drove with the permit for 6 months before I could take my driving test for an official license. But I could have signed Minnie Mouse as my name to get married!!! I guess all that was required was that I showed up with a man. Crazy right?

God Bless The Art

2011-07-23T14:41:00.001-04:00

"An artist's goal is not to live forever, it's to create something that will."

We can talk about the stress of fame or the strain of artistic freedom and expression once you've made it. We can talk about demons and pain. We can even discuss addiction as a way to understand the hows and whys of a persons breakdown. I choose not to do this today. I would just like to remind all of us what it's like being a creative type.

There are voices and colors that no one can see but you. There are melodies and sonnets swirling around always a foot taller than you can reach. There are movies that play out in your head so vivid the extras have names--first and last. There's a feeling that no one will ever "get you"...understand your art...know your true intent. You may want to decode it for them but that would be akin to pulling back the curtain on the great Oz.

I've lived in my head so long I don't know real memories from my own creation. My brain is a bad Inception movie chopped and screwed.

No matter the art when it comes...when the muse takes over... it can be the most glorious orgasmic rush ever. When it plays hide & seek behind impenetrable glass. Man...

When you have so much stuff going on that you can't wrangle the art, it's feels like the ultimate fuck. The one thing that could save you becomes the one thing you can't make behave. You can't tell the creation to wait until you have more money or fix the car. You can't tell it to wait until you've gone through rehab or kicked that addiction. You can't tell it to be still until the kids go to sleep. You can't tell the voices to stop waking you up at night.

Art doesn't care. Art doesn't give a damn. Art is a compulsion that you must honor.

God bless the ones who become well known and famous for it. God bless the ones who can manage and keep it flowing through all the stuff they endure. God bless the Beyonces and Kanyes of the world who can't take a vacation without it haunting them. God bless the Lauryns who create but are too afraid to share. God bless the Heaths and the Kurts who let it consume them to the very end. God bless the Adeles who fear expressing it front of others. And God bless the Amys who held on to it tighter than they could their own selves.

"It's not easy to hold on to yourself when others hold on to you"

Amy Winehouse RIP

I'm Having The Hardest Time

2011-07-07T00:00:00.001-04:00

I've admitted several times before that I was the last of my friends to join any social network and to spend anymore than a few minutes online for any reason. I've always preferred the company of living breathing people rather than the cold touch of a few key strokes. Sitting and staring at a computer for hours on end just didn't make sense when I could just pick up the phone and see my friends and family face to face. Then I moved farther away from my family. And I worked from home. My social circle soon ended at my front door. Twas lonely indeed.

Somewhere along the road I detoured into Social Network Place and into this thing called blogging. It's giving me new keys to more neighborhoods but I'm not sure if I can afford them.

What I love most about blogging and frankly writing in general are the stories. I consider myself a storyteller rather than a writer/blogger. The stories I've weaved on this very site have been both personal and cathartic, cleansing, endearing and sometimes just sweet and silly. This is the benefit. But there is a down side.

I'm having the hardest time keeping my blogging brain out of the very moments that make life meaningful. I'll start thinking about how I can turn just about anything into a blog post. I take pictures of all kinds of randomness as insurance that it may one day show up in this space. But then I sit to write it out and the private me intervenes and says to leave some things unpublished. So I do. It also sucks when I'm in the middle of a conversation and someone stops and says "you know, you should write about that." It takes me out of the present.

I'm learning that when you're favorite writer/blogger stops writing/blogging it's not just because they're busy it's because they're busy living.

So that's where I'm at lately. I have numerous updates. Many more stories to tell but I won't force them. They'll arrive in awesome fashion. Until then I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite movies ever.

"Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying"

My Super Cheesy Birthday

2011-07-06T00:00:00.000-04:00

So last year I wrote this horrible ode to my horrible history of awesomely bad (except for one) b'earthdays; the aptly titled B'earthdays Were The Worst Days. I think it deserves a re-visit. No really...I'll wait.

********************

Yeah...pretty bad right. I mean...what was my problem? Well I'll tell you. The simple truth is I just wanted a super cheesy birthday party. I yearned for all the things that I missed growing up. I wanted balloons, cake, those birthday blower thingies. Maybe a cone hat and some pin the tail on something or another. I must admit since that awful sour sixteen I've had okay bdays. Just not the cheesy festivity I hoped for.

Pretty much after my last birthday which was full of love and awesome, I went on a save my birthday crusade. I complained and bitched to anyone who would listen about my need for a cheesy birthday. No one was spared. Strangers and little old ladies in Target trying to buy scrapbooking supplies all got an ear full. I want a super cheesy confetti filled birthday and guess what folks.

I got it!!!

This is what I saw when I walked into my office at work. My awesome dear friend and co-workers got up early (which was a gift all by itself) and decorated my digs with all sorts of cheesy leftover birthday artifacts. It was awesome and I almost cried. It was that serious folks.

And when I arrived home I got to do it all over again oh and I finally got a cake with my name on it. Yes, folks this is the first birthday cake I've EVER had with my name on it.

I know it's super cheesy. And I'm sure you don't understand why beyond gifts, late nights clubbing & dancing that this will go down as my fav bday but I do not lie when I tell the truth. It's like when a celebrity just wants to go grocery shopping undetected and undisturbed. Trade the celebrity for me and the grocery shopping for a super simple cheesy birthday celebration and perhaps you'll get my point. I'm a simple silly girl at heart and nothing says super simple & silly than birthday cake and balloons.

Thanks again to the wonderful JB who listened ~~to me bitch~~ and finally heard me enough to plan the whole work day of cheesy fun!! XOXO And to my hubby. I know it took all you had to get those 2 balloons. I promise you that it didn't take away from your cool factor.

Have you ever yearned for something super simple and people refused you because they think you're being silly or that you deserve more? How do you convince others that you prefer a hot dog in the park rather than a 4 course meal at some fancy pants restaurant?

Caption This and WIN a $10 Target Gift Card

2011-06-22T07:59:00.000-04:00

Caption Fireman Dood and that mysterious fellow in the background for a chance at a $10 Target gift card.

To enter Caption Contest leave your caption in the comment section below AND do one of the following:

You must "like" Alovelydai.com on Facebook or follow me on twitter @alovelydai.

Be creative and have fun with it!

Contest ends on Friday 06/24 at 8am. Winner will be announced to claim prize.

Dood Eats Father's Day Gift

2011-06-21T00:00:00.002-04:00

Friday I picked Dood up from school & he was super excited to show me the Father's Day gift that he made for his Daddy. It was a white paper bag that he drew pictures on and inside was a handmade card and a container with something wrapped in blue tissue.

He wanted to give it to him right away but I explained over and over that Sunday was Father's Day and that we had two days before we could give Daddy his presents. Dood was none too pleased.

Saturday was a long hot day of prepping for Daddy's big gift which was a mini fridge for his Ravens Man Cave. It went something like this: go to [big box store] for fridge, get rain check because they were sold out, go to another [big box store] get a comparable one for same amount of $$, take home, plug in, hear crazy loud motor boat noise, notice big dent, call [big box store] cuss them out, go to yet another [big box store], triple check box to make sure it wasn't a broken return that [big box store's] underpaid workers put back on the shelf, take home, plug in again and insert previously purchased Pepsi & assorted cold ones. Pray they get ice cold by morning. It was a very long day.

We stuck a bow on the fridge, along with the cards, and Dood's gift & called it a night. Next morning Dood is re-energized to show his Daddy his gift. The mini fridge was a big hit, especially with the assorted cold ones. Now Dood could finally give his Daddy his gift.

He hands him the container, the hubby opened it, and searched through the blue tissue paper. There was nothing there.

And without blinking Dood says, "Oh I ate it. Never mind. Here's your card."

We fell out. This Dood ate his gift and the crazy part is I don't know when he did it.

So after we caught our breath and dried our tears the hubby asked, "So Dood, what kind of cookie was it?" Once again without missing a step he replies, "yours". Ha Larry Us!

You really had to be there but Dood explaining it is almost as funny.

This was the short version. Trust me. I spared you all of a long rambling diatribe of excuses included but are not limited to, the wind blew it into the fire and something about Michael Jordan smashing something like the Hulk. I am not making this up.

I'm Loving Frank Ocean, Nostalgia Ultra

2011-06-20T09:07:00.004-04:00

You've probably heard about this Frank Ocean guy who is now claiming the airwaves with his hit "Novacane" but perhaps you haven't heard the rest of his mixtape Nostalgia, Ultra. Part of the group OFWGKTA better known as Odd Future, Ocean has crafted a sound on Nostalgia that seamlessly taps into soundscapes from Coldplay, The Eagles, and MGMT. Ocean leaked his own music earlier this year after it sat on Island Def Jam's shelf and then went on this twitter rant.

"i. did. this. not ISLAND DEF JAM. that's why you see no label logo on the artwork that I DID. guess its my fault for trusting my dumbass lawyer and signing my career over to a failing company. f*ck Def Jam & any company that goes the length of signing a kid with dreams & talent w/ no intention of following through. f*ck em. now back to my day. i want some oatmeal and toast. brunch swag."

His passion spilleth over and is ever present in the stand out and beautiful ode to perseverance, "We All Try" (lyrics below).

i believe jehovah jireh
i believe there's heaven
i believe in war
i believe a woman's temple
gives her the right to choose
but baby don't abort
i believe that marriage isn't
between a man & woman
but between love and love
and i believe you when you say that
you've lost all faith
but you must believe in something
something something
you gotta believe in something
something something

i still believe in man
a wise one asked me why
cause i just don't believe we're wicked
i know that we sin but i do believe we try
we all try
the girls try
the boys try
women try
men try
you and i
try try we all try

i don't believe in time travel
i don't believe our nation's flag is on the moon
i don't believe our lives are simple
and i don't believe they're short
this is interlude
i don't believe my hands are cleanly
can't believe that you would
let me touch your heart
she didn't believe me when i said that
i lost my faith
said you must believe in something
something something
you gottta believe in something
something something

i still believe in man
a wise one asked me why
cause i just don't believe we're wicked
i know that we sin but i do believe we try
we all try
the girls try
the boys try
women try
men try
you and i
try try we all try

"We All Try"

Frank Ocean

Ocean tried and succeeded with this collection. Def Jam plans to re-release it this month as an EP, "Novacane" now has an official video, and for the newbie who has penned songs for artists Justin Bieber and Beyonce he is well on his way to the big show.

Take a listen and tell me what you think!

I Can't Write Today

2011-06-17T10:14:00.000-04:00

Oh Kimora Goddess of Fabulosity...

Too busy worried about going to this thing by myself

& not knowing anyone

I hate meeting new people (this is a lie)

And I can't find the shoes I want to wear

I think my sister stole them

And my hair ain't right

And I can't channel my inner Kimora

And it's 2 hours away...

Not the event but the location is 2 hours away.

And I have to drive

And then I have to drive back

And my hubby says I better not be home when he gets there

He wants me to go

So I may walk around Walmart instead

It qualifies as a "not be home" location

Can you call people by their twitter handles?

'Cause those are the names I know

I could have brought my bestie

But she's a social butterfly and I would swarm around her

Can't meet people this way

And I really really love meeting new people (that may be a lie)

And I'm also too bloated for spanx

And I have to wear a dress or be dressy

Or dress like a grown up

I don't remember

It's on the ticket I bought a month ago

Which means I have to go right?

The Dumping Ground

2011-06-16T10:28:00.000-04:00

Self Portrait

Last night my hubby came home tired and exhausted. The work day had kicked his ass and I felt it across the room as he untied his tie and unbuttoned his shirt. I knew asking what was wrong was a loaded question and frankly I already knew. We also made a pact not to bring a lot of work related stress into our home and especially into our bedrooms but that's where it was and that's there we were.

So I asked again until he broke and I listened as it spilled out of him. I reached for my bag of "f*ck them & it's gonna be okay babe" but couldn't find it. I had nothing left to offer. Certainly not because I didn't care or didn't share his grief or didn't have opinions. I was just tired of being on this end of the conversation.

For as long as I can remember people come to me to vent. I know more about people and their problems and their stuff than I care to. I have that thing about me that allows perfect strangers to tell me their whole life stories. It happens everywhere I go. It's a gift and well...

I really don't mind. I'm a firm believer that being open enough to share your woes will eventually shift our collective consciousness and release up from feeling shamed and embarrassed and alone. I think anytime someone speaks and finds empathy and compassion from someone else it makes them feel that much lighter.

But here's the thing. I am a bit of an Empath. I feel everything deeply and it takes a WHOLE LOT of restraint on my part to deflect a lot of what comes my way. I even have a mental exercise I do when someone starts talking and I feel the pit of my stomach tensing up. I take their words, mentally scribe them on paper, ball that paper up and throw it away. Silly I know but it's helped me over the years to maintain some sense of sanity.

Okay so here's the real thing. I can spend tens of minutes on the phone, across from someone, over email listening to everything that's wrong in their life from their man to their hang nail and not once does ask me about my day.

I actually ended a friendship over this. My ex friend didn't know for an entire 6 months that my boyfriend and I broke up because she was too busy talking about herself.

I am a dumping ground and it's my fault.

As a writer this is actually a good thing. Do you know how much material I have stored up? But as a friend I would never divulge unless of course...

So I say to you my wonderful friends and family. I love you all and I'll always be here to listen but when I'm so I'm so dumped on that I have nothing left to give to my own husband I have a problem especially since he's one of a few people who calls just to say hello (special shout out goes to my aunt who calls every morning with some crazy story she heard on the news...she makes me laugh). I have to be more conscious of the energy I adsorb so I'm limiting myself to your stuff. There's nothing I can do about it anyway...but listen and the listening has depleted me.

Am I alone in this? Am I just a sucker for people and their stuff? How do you deal with people who drain you? OR are you the one always in need of ear? Do you ever consider the energy you release on others when you dump your stuff on them?

Meeting My Father

2011-06-15T08:06:00.001-04:00

There's nothing worse than meeting your father for the first time and having something in common with him. This sounds bass ackwards I know. Most people would relish the idea of relating. I did not. Most people would wonder does he have my eyes, or my smile? I did not. Most people would want to know if you shared the same temperament or calmness? I did not.

My thoughts were with his wife-- a beautiful woman who I'm sure was chosen and groomed to be the jill to his jack. My thoughts were with her. Both raised so deep in the pews and under altered crosses there had to be a conversation about me. Or perhaps when he left for school with her not far away there had to be one or two late night talks.

There was none. I saw it in her eyes the moment I slid in the backseat of his late model Volvo. I saw it across the dinner table as he discussed the hows and whys of why we were just meeting for the first time. I saw it each time he lied to my face.

I began to reconsider that whole moment. I thought back as I sat on my bedroom floor, my mom entering handing me a newspaper. "That's your grandmother and that's your aunt," she said so nonchalantly that I searched for a half dozen minutes for faces recognizable to me. My aunt's not here. My grandmother's not here. I don't know who these women are. And why do they have the same name? Who does that?

Then it stung. Oh that aunt! That grandmother!

They ran an advice column in a local newspaper offering a mother & daughter perspective on life, love, and spirituality. How lovely. But I didn't need advice. I needed recognition. So I did what I always do. I wrote.

"Dear Same Name & Same Name
This isn't a question for your column. I just think you should know who I am..."

I expected no reply. I expected that the person who intakes the mail would think I was crazy and the letter would be discarded. I half expected that someone would call my home and threaten some kind of legal action if I contacted anyone from this highly respected family again.

None of that happened. A few weeks later a woman called. She was polite, her voice was sweet, and she said, "Well hello Dai. I'm your grandmother." Tears wet the phone. Not because she called but because she acknowledged me. "Sorry it took so long for me to get back to you. I was in Aruba and your letter was left for me in my downtown office." All I heard was Aruba and downtown office-- the telltale that there's more than one. She said she talked to my father who she referred to by his nickname and he would call me soon. She also told me I was a rumor once and as she ended the call she said something I'll never forget. "I love you."

And that's when I got pissed. What people never seem to understand is this. When a parent disappears or refuses to acknowledge a child you not only remove them from your life but you prevent them from knowing their whole family. I missed out on a whole family. I missed out on an aunt, and cousins, a grandfather and this wonderful woman who took me in with no DNA test. I missed out on a woman who looked my mother in the eyes and said, "Y'all could have took us for everything we have."

But we didn't and there I sat at 15 years old across from this man who like me refused to wear socks in November and who pointed it out as if that made us family. I sat across from this man who minored in journalism, had a love of words, and had already published three books. I saw my eyes and my skin and I had enough.

I wanted to go home to my real dad. The one who taught me songs and fed me sardines with mustard and crackers. The one who had been teaching me to drive since I was 5 in our big blue van. I wanted to get home quickly so he knew that nothing had changed, that he was my dad and I was his daughter, and this guy and his bare ankles and books needed more than those similarities to connect us.

However, I had a few questions. "So you're a preacher?" He replied yes and invited me to his home and church down south. "Well how does that work?" He looked puzzled so I explained further. "How do you preach the word and worship in front of your congregation when I'm just meeting you for the first time today?" He paused then fed me more lies about how he thought my mother had an abortion. I wanted to remind him of the time he called when I was 7 or 8 or the t-shirt I had from his alma mater but his wife's world was crushed enough for one day. First Lady grew up with this man, loved this man, bore this man two children who she knew as his only.

There's nothing worse than meeting your father for the first time and having things in common with him unless it's that neither one you wants anything to do with each other.

We spoke sporadically over the years until we stopped. The last time I saw him was in early 2004 in a mall. I was buying sexy things to wear for a weekend getaway with my soon to be hubby and he was buying a birthday gift for Rev. Al Sharpton.

My grandmother passed two years later. I found out in the hospital after Dood was born. No one called to tell me she was sick or had passed. I learned about the arrangements on the evening news.

My Family Gets BBQ Wasted

2011-06-14T00:00:00.002-04:00

I'll preface with an apology. I don't have many pictures. In fact I only have one...okay maybe two. I'm posting the second because well...I like living on the edge...and by the edge I mean (does anyone have a guestroom I can crash at for a while).

I even tried to video the event but my new phone was obviously in cahoots with my family. So sadly there's no video and just one (two) pic (s).

A little background. You know if you're an avid reader of this here blog that I stopped eating a lot of crap earlier this year. By sheer osmosis and the fact that I'm the primary meal planner my family has also stopped eating a lot of crap. However, we have few traditions and one of them involves taking the hubby to his favorite BBQ joint for Fathers Day. He works next weekend blah blah blah so we went this past Sunday.

Yeah...it was epic.

First mistake. I decided to NOT say anything to anyone about anything they ordered. Second mistake I decided to NOT say anything to anyone about anything they ordered!!

Third mistake. We woke Dat Dood up from his nap & basically dressed him, threw him in the back seat, and drove an hour to the spot. He was pissed. When the lovely waitress gave him his origami shaped paper menu & crayons he ripped it open & threw on table. Little disrespectful Dood (someone didn't teach him manners).

Fourth mistake. See first and second mistakes.

So Dood got the usual and by the usual I mean Kraft mac' n cheese, baked apples, and for good measure the great people of [BBQ joint] thought it best to give him a duo of Oreo cookies. Yummm!

Fidge not getting any cow at home opted for Beef Brisket. Now I must also tell you that each platter comes with whatever meat you want, corn on the cob & a corn muffin. THEN you can pick TWO additional sides. She chose steak fries and baked apples and (fake) Lemonade to wash it down.

The hubby chose a combo platter of ribs & catfish. Then to make sure he couldn't walk anywhere he ordered double potatoes. Steak fries AND potato salad! Now remember he also got corn on the cob & a corn muffin. Then he looks at me and announced, "I'm getting Pepsi!" Well okay then.

But let's back up. This is a BBQ joint and with every BBQ joint comes a table full of wet naps, roll of paper towels, and at least six different sauces. So what does my family decide? Let's order some wings for our appetizer. We chose the mildest wings just to try all the sauces including Devil's Spit and Wilbur's Revenge. I had two wings. I was so busy munching on the carrots and celery that came with it that when I looked up for a third wing there were only two left. Fidge quickly grabbed one and I gave the Hubby the last one. And let's just say he didn't turn it down.

Dood was done his meal by the time ours arrived and so there was nothing left to do but dance and sing which he did until he left. It was hilarious. The sugar rush was on.

Fidge managed to get about half her food in her belly before she was curled up in the booth's bench holding her stomach. Meanwhile the Hubby was busy doing his best prison hunch over his basket o' food as if Bubba was gonna steal his corn bread.

When I tell you you had to be there...you had to be there. There is nothing I can write that can describe just how hilarious it was for these people to chow down on all that fatty, salty, sugary, tasty, goodness.

If you're curious I had the cat fish, beans, and apples...and good ole H2O. I gave my muffin away.

Here's the Hubby's Hunch & Dancing Dood..

Yeah he's gonna kill me for this. But look at Dood.

He danced for 20 minutes straight!!!

So *sigh* I guess it was good for them. Both Fidge & the Hubby brought food home that they couldn't finish. In the epic showdown of Family Vs Food....food won! Fidge took a "coma" all the way back home & for another hour once she got there. The hubby almost passed out from food exhaustion in Target later that evening. And well Dood...he eventually crashed.

LOL!! Actually it was a lot of fun. Which reminded me that sometimes it's okay to let your family go food crazy...every six months or so.

When was the last time you went food crazy? What did you eat? Was it everything you hoped it would be and how did you feel afterward? Did you pass out at the table like Fidge? Btw the only moment she got up was to snatch my phone & camera from me...she knew she was wrong.

The Good, Bad & Beyonce of 4: Review

2011-06-13T00:00:00.003-04:00

Available 6.28.11 or at a google near you.

Take everything you think about a Beyonce song and throw it in the ocean. Then take every song from her aptly titled fourth album 4, dress them up behind the diva in her patented onesie and put them on a stage. This is how you appreciate this offering.

Opening with the power "make love to me" ballad "1+1", you already know there will be wind machines and blond hair and chiffon swaying in the breeze. The crowd will be on their feet and yet she won't have to dance one step. Once you're settled in she belts out the stadium sized "I Care". "Ever since you knew your power you make me cry." Her voice is gritty even when she croons alongside the guitar's solo. She slows it down with "I Miss You". Think of her sitting on the stage, legs glowing over the edge, peering out to her audience. It's a tender moment and also the shortest of the set.

The lights dim and Beyonce reemerges after a quick costume stage just to taunt the last guy who did her dirty. "You showed your ass and now I saw the real you", she sings on "Best Thing I Never Had". It really does suck to be whoever that guy is but not for the crowd who will undoubtedly sing and shout along to every word. Just when the ladies are ready to call their ex to tell them how they feel yet again, Kanye West lightens the mood with his production of "Party" also featuring Andre 3000. It's a fun summertime jam that pulls lyrics from both Keith Sweat and Dougie Fresh. The vocal arrangement showcases the songstress as her own best group. Andre's verse sounds a bit uninspired (he had more fun on John Legend's "Greenlight") but we're too busy partying to notice. And let's pretend we didn't hear swag sauce or swagu. Okay? Okay.

Mrs. Carter goes back to her comfort place singing how she'd "Rather Die Young" than live her life without her loved one. It's beautiful and hints of all things great about early 90's R&B. By the end all cell phones should be waving and glowing in the air. "Start Over" could very well be the point of the set where most will hit the concession stands but it won't stop her voice from carrying over their chicken fingers and watered down cocktails.

After another quick change Beyonce will hit the stage to have some flirty girly fun while channeling her inner young Michael Jackson. "Love On Top" begs her to hob nob and play with the audience never missing a step dancing across the entire stage. The King Of Pop would be proud but King B does the number justice clearly having the most fun as the song seems to go on forever.

Beyonce famously said in a recent interview that she was mixing everything that she loves into her own musical gumbo. While the rest of the songs feel true to form "Countdown" which samples from Boys II Men's "Ahhh" comes the closest to this new "genre" that she eludes to. The intro vibe has middle eastern all over it but quickly segues into touches of everything from calypso, to big band, to hip hop. If anyone was missing Sasha Fierce here she is cursing and twerking.

"End Of Time" is to Beyonce as "Escapade" was to Janet Jackson. It's the whimsical Bayou inspired part of the show. Think Creole inspired costumes on acrobatic dancers flipping over the stage. Also imagine this is where her all girl band Suga Mama gets their chance for some solo time and shine.

Once the crowd is hyped and overjoyed Beyonce picks this moment to slow it down yet again with the Ryan Tedder produced, Diane Warren laced "I Was Here". It's a statement piece that Oprah would be proud of. Beyonce is in deep gratitude proclaiming "I was here, I lived, I loved." Yes, the majority would agree that the world is that much better by her being here.

And lest we forget who "Run The World (Girls)" Beyonce reminds us she's so "hood with this". Probably the most unpopular first single from her thus far it still goes hard on the stage. No doubt Beyonce will continue to gain new fans with her performance of it but one question remains. Is it even necessary? It feels like the heads of Columbia Records thought the collection was devoid of a radio hit and chose to add it last minute. Perhaps since the album leaked three weeks early Beyonce will edit it with new entries and offer "RTW" as a bonus track.

The good; Beyonce has matured in her song choices and her delivery. Her vocals are amazingly layererd, controlled and crisp. She is clearly singing for her pants on 4.

The bad; the lyrics are still elementary at best. Nothing of real note.

"I dumb down for my audience and double my dollar/

they criticize me for it yet they all yelled 'holla'"

~Jay-Z "Moment of Clarity"

Perhaps Beyonce had her moment of clarity since she hasn't written an entire song on her own since 2003's "Dangerously In Love" instead relying on others including The Dream who seems to do a better job writing women empowerment songs than he does believing it.

The Beyonce of it all is clear. She is home and alive on stage and her vocals are the star of the show. The nine months she spent being a normal girl catering to her man, playing with her nephew, and sleeping in lit a new spark under her. You understand when she says she was inspired by live music and chose to honor her fans by using her performance vocals rather than her studio sound. It's written all over 4 which would be best served as a live album. In fact, 4 Live can't be too far behind.

The Tree That Broke Dood

2011-06-10T07:39:00.001-04:00

Last night's epic fast & furious storm knocked out our power and broke the tree out back. It also broke Dood. This child hasn't been the same since. He keeps checking the tree every 5 minutes to see if it fixed itself. He first reported the news to the hubby who was at work last night & missed the adventure.

"Daddy, you got to come home & save us. The tree fell down & we trapped."

Then this morning he reported the news to my mother.

"Mama the tree fell down...and it's so bad...and dangerous...and I was playing my game and we got outta here...and the power went out...and me and my mommy and my sister got outta here.

Then he reported the news to my aunt.

"Aunt Crystal the storm knocked the tree down in the back side and I was playing my game...not Sonic....but Naruto and the lights went off...then on...then off...then on...then off...and we got on the sofa and mommy read a story and then we went to the bookstore because we got thirsty and I drank mommy's drink...and it was dangerous!"

This was me & Fidge's Facebook conversation last night:

Help I'm stuck at Borders drinking a frozen chai. Someone turn the power back on so I can go home. Oh & get the tree that fell behind my house. ~Signed Too Hot For This.

11 hours ago · · ·

Like this item
Mama and Fidge like this.
- Fidge: Chill, I'm in here with you, and i'm a little on the cool side. You'll be fine.
  11 hours ago ·
- Me: But that Dood is with us & he slobbered all over my straw.
  11 hours ago ·
- Fidge: Yeah... He molested it... I know that's a strong word but that's how I Feel right about now.
  11 hours ago ·
- Me: I need a new one...a straw...not a Dood (or a molester)...but he put it back in my drink so that's ruined to. I need a new drink.
  11 hours ago ·
- Fidge: Aww.. that's about 5 dollars or less. Who knows... All i know is that I wish i didn't look over when he was violating that straw. But anywho How are you? (I feel like if we had a conversation the pedestrians of Borders will be listening in on us...)
  11 hours ago ·
- Me: They are kinda close.
  11 hours ago ·
- Fidge: Aren't they! I can hear the lady behind us talk about some nonsense. And Dood over here playing Super Mario.. And i'm kinda chillin' but ya know... Running low on chai, down to just cream... Life is tough...
  11 hours ago ·
- Me: ‎#FirstWorldProblems
  11 hours ago ·
- Fidge: Haha Should definitely put that u. The Government needs to address this problem.
  11 hours ago ·
- Fidge: up*
  11 hours ago ·
- Me: U think the power is on yet?
  11 hours ago ·
- Fidge: ‎...I hope so.. Im going to need a nice shower when I get home and I kinda want some light to go with that.
  11 hours ago ·
- Me: Good thing we get a lot of candle practice huh?
  11 hours ago ·
- Fidge: True... True... But it's awful hot in there. Some AC would be cool too? Don't need that steam coming in and frizzing up my hair.. I actually took the time to do it today.
  11 hours ago ·
- Me: Great news. Your hair is already ruined.
  11 hours ago ·
- Fidge: ‎*Jealous*... Where's the Dislike button when you need it.. And where's the Mute button for Doodles?
  11 hours ago ·
- Me: Not sure but there are a couple of trash cans to the right to the right.
  10 hours ago ·
- Fidge: Haha, Just don't read the signs when we dispose of him or else we'll feel compelled to put him in the proper trash can for Doodles.
  10 hours ago ·
- Me: We're in a book store. Surely there has to be a book on the subject. Something like: "How To Dispose Of Doods For Awesome Chicks"
  10 hours ago ·
- Fidge: Hm... Now that you mention it I think I spotted on in the "How to" section. Shall we go look?
  10 hours ago ·
- Me: Yes...let's
  10 hours ago ·
- FIdge: Lol Alrighty then
  10 hours ago ·
- Friend: ‎**this is hilarious** if this is how you to go on everyday you should get a reality show...I was totally entertained!!
  2 hours ago ·
- Me: Yes this is normal. LOL!!!
  about an hour ago ·

Hardest. Question. Ever. AKA The One Where My Brain Hurts

2011-06-09T08:25:00.000-04:00

Don't worry John. We'll wait.

So I'm multi-tasking like the beast I am working & chit chatting with the work hubby & he asks me the most insane, brain hurting, ridiculous, time consuming, question OF ALL TIME.

"So what's your top 5 favorite songs?"

Da hell? I'm about 20 minutes before pre-quit (that's pretty much when I stop working & start jiggling my car keys with my purse on my shoulder) and he pops this question!!! I think I threw my pen across my office trying to come up with something. I've been avoiding my Music Monday posts because quite frankly I'm less than inspired by anything going on right now but this question. C'mon!!!! Who asks a music buff something like this? Why not just ask who my favorite kid is?

*Deep Heavy Sigh* So he starts spitting out of few of his favs and I use the time to not really listen but scribble some songs. Uggghhhhhhh!

Okay, I begin. Top 5 favorite songs. I can do this. Okay...Michael Jackson "Lady In My Life", "I Can't Help It", & "Human Nature". Damn that's 3 right there. Luther Vandross's"Anyone Who Has A Heart" drips with all kinds of yearning. My lawd. Prince "Sign O The Times", "Adore", Beautiful Ones".

Just 5...da hell?

Seal "Kiss From A Rose". Zhane "Crush". Alicia Keys "The Life". Aww lawd and we haven't even scratched the surfaces of Mary J Blige's "Reminisce", "Beautiful", "All That I Can Say", "Be Happy". C'MON!!! JUST 5!!!!

Oh wait there's Sade, "Love Is Stronger Than Pride" & "Cherish The Day". Oh & Musiq Soulchild "MomentInLife", "BestFriend" & "LoveOfMyLife"

Did I hit 5 yet?

And I haven't even mentioned the battle of whether I love Eric Clapton's "Layla" original or extra unplugged. That debate goes hard in my house. The hubby & Fidge prefer the unplugged version while I rock out to the original.

In fact once I got home last night this bleep bleeping question created a Dood & Mommy mini home concert and costs me another $10 on iTunes. Yes, I don't mind paying for music I love.

I haven't even mentioned anything about Jay-Z because that's just 20 more songs or Portishead's "All Mine" and "Only You". Nor have I mentioned "Sherly Crow's "Safe and Sound" or Alanis Morissette's "Uninvited" and "Ironic" or the entire Fiona Apple Tidal or Zero 7's "Destiny" & "Waiting In Lines". And please don't get me started on the entire Marvin Gaye's I Want You.

I just can't with this question. I'm sure John Cusack would have a definite answer but me...not so much. I mean really how do you answer this? Yes, you. You answer it! What's your top 5 favorite songs? Let's see if you can do it.

Oh & does anyone know a good divorce attorney? I'm done with the work hubby. First he brings me chocolate peanut butter cake because he fell off the wagon & now this bull.

Sunday Depression

2011-06-07T09:48:00.001-04:00

I don't know exactly when it started because it's always been this way. My hubby's work schedule has altered our weeks and years since...well since forever. In a word it sucks. Not having a day off with your spouse sucks. Evenings when he's home are great. The occasional holiday or special event day are few and far between and let's face it, he works most of those too. The non-holiday that we're both home and no one called out of work or was sick and we could enjoy it together is rare. I hate to say it but I'm sure I can count them on my hands. In a word it sucks.

Saturdays don't hurt as much. There's always a birthday party or kid event. There's always a get together and markets to shop and clothes to wash. Usually I'm so being decompressing from the work week to notice that the other side of the bed, the sofa, the lunch/dinner table is empty. I'm too busy making grilled cheeses and curling hair to notice how easy it is spread diagonal across the bed.

But then Sunday happens.

And there aren't enough good books, bad TV, or ugly tweets to satiate me. And I don't care about other peoples problems so save your calls, I won't answer. And someone else has to make those grilled cheeses. I just want to lay...anywhere. Save the Sunday invites because I won't be in attendance. I don't care to hear you ask one more time where my husband is. You already know. We don't need to joke about his work ethic or how he's missing yet another family event. And I'm tired of making him a plate.

I think it would make more sense if he was across the oceans geared up and fighting some endless war or in a 53 footer delivering goods across the country but he's not. He's just at work and work feels light years away.

I joke about being a Weekend Widow and a Saturday/Sunday Single Mom but the real truth is that it stopped being funny a long time ago.

I give my honey I'll do list to the hubby to entice...plead...and beg him to stay. I'll give you a massage and make all your favorite foods and you won't have to lift a pinky finger...

He tells me he wishes he could stay and wishes the house would pay for itself and then he slides on his trousers, buttons his shirt and ties his tie and I watch every move wondering when our schedule will be in sync. I remind myself that I got married on a Tuesday and thank God Dood was born on his day off and he reminds me that it's not that bad. I'll be home before you know it. And then I make idle threats about how messed up the house will be because I'm not moving from this bed until he returns and he replies "let it." I threaten to not cook Sunday dinner and he just smiles and says, "well then we'll go out to eat."

It's useless and pointless. He leaves every time always promising to come back. Hours glide by when I realize that I'm making good on my promises to not move until he's home again. I tell myself I'll get up in an hour or another hour. I tell myself that I'm just relaxing and enjoying a lazy Sunday. I tell Dood to grab a banana if he gets hungry. I give the ok for Fidge to go to a friend's house.

In a word it sucks.

After googling Sunday Depression for a picture for this post I realize with over 40 million hits there's something to this. Apparently it's a real thing. It's possible to be perfectly fine six days of the week and feel like complete crap on one of them. Doctors are even studying whether this phenomenon warrants some kind of medication.

But I don't care about any of that right now. I just want consistent weekends with my family intact. I don't want to hear Dood & Fidge give their updates on what we did. I want him to already know. I don't want to have to share pictures on trips and parties. He should be there.

I'm curious to know what you all think. Do you believe it's possible to be forever bummed the same day every week? Have you heard of this condition before? Am I just being pathetic and overly dramatic?

Strawberry Fields Forever

2011-06-06T08:00:00.002-04:00

So we went strawberry picking and true to form I had fun, Fidge had fun, and that Dood...well that Dood ate strawberries. Sometimes I think if he doesn't have a game controller, a car, or a ball in his hands he truly doesn't know what to do so he makes us all miserable...and by us all...I mean me.

Anyway, back to the strawberry patch. It was full of yummy berry deliciousness.

As I mentioned I had fun, Fidge had fun...

And well Dood...

He ate quite a few. After receiving our instructions on where to pick & what to look for the last thing the gentlemen told Dood was, "Hey bud, don't eat more than 15." I think he got pretty close. Every time he picked one he wanted to "hold it" instead of putting it in the basket. In fact, if Dood was in the picking mood we may have come away with more than the 3.25lbs that we did.

Oh & about those 3.25lbs of strawberries. Let's just say by the end of the week we'll be ready to pick cherries later this month.

But I made some tasty treats.

Of course with strawberries comes chocolate covered ones. I used the bigger long stemmed berries for that, much easier to dip in chocolate. And what goes perfect with shortcake? Strawberries & whipped cream of course. But my fav and most difficult of all was making homemade preserves. Apparently it IS too hard for me to jam (and if you can name that reference you get 100 pts & you can stay). I used the ripest berries for this process and since I didn't want to use pectin (a fruit thickening agent) making preserves with just berries, lemon zest/juice, and sugar was a very long process but over a fresh biscuit...OH MY LAWD!!! That stuff out of the jar...please...forget about it.

So lovely readers what other strawberry recipes or ideas do you have for me? Have you ever been fruit picking and did you enjoy it? Does anyone want to watch that Dood the next time we have family fun at the orchards? Also a bonus 50 pts for the title reference!

What's In My Lunch Bag?

2011-05-27T10:52:00.000-04:00

I had a discussion with a friend earlier this week about bag lunches. I'm a big advocate of them. I feel it definitely saves me money and time trying to find quick lunch eats and I also can control the quality of my ingredients. My friend who lives on $5 footlongs & drive thru was curious to know what was in my lunch bag so I thought I'd share with the whole class.

Today's lunch:

Lunch today will be 2 pulled chicken tacos (pulled chicken tossed with a blend of tomato sauce, cumin, chili pepper, garlic & onion powder, smoked paprika & cinnamon on corn tortillas with Monterey jack cheese & sour cream in the red cup) and a half corn on the cob. My mid-morning snack will be pretzel thins & roasted red pepper hummus in the white cup. Pink lady apple for either late afternoon or during my drive home & good ole H2O.

A couple other lunches that I snapped a picture of before devouring include:

Turkey burger with red onion, tomato, & cucumbers on flat rounds & black bean corn salsa. Red delicious apple & water.

Here's my deconstructed turkey wrap. Y'all already know how much I hate wilted soggy produce so I store that in a produce saver container. It has a vented tray underneath that allows the veggies to stay crisp & dry sitting above an air space & not in its own juices. The veggies are spring mix, green pepper strips, red onion, & shredded carrots. My whole wheat flat bread is wrapped separately from my smoked turkey & white cheddar slices. Yogurt honey mustard is in the white cup.

Then it's wrapped & cut in half. On the side I have tri-color rotini pasta salad with broccoli, carrots, red onion, white cheddar cubes, oil, vinegar & tons of spices.

Do you pack your lunch? What tasty eats do you bring? If you're a lunch packer like me I'd love to see it. Send me a picture at alovelydai@gmail.com with the subject: LUNCH BAG and who knows, you may see it here one day.

The One Where The Hubby Doesn't Listen & Injures Himself

2011-05-26T09:47:00.003-04:00

"Man that was a good game last night."

So before I could plead with the hubby (again) to take the fresh produce out of its plastic bags when he brings it home he cuts me off & says, "What did I do now?" It stung. I immediately stopped talking. What did I do now? As if, I'm always fussing about something. As if I'm that wife...you know...the nagging one. I'm not. Trust me. But for some reason I can't prove this to the hubby because in his mind all wives nag like the ones on TV. Even though on his day off he washed clothes, vacuumed the entire house, and started dinner which I thanked him and loved him for all he could hear was a "nag" coming his way.

Anyway so an entire ear of fresh corn went in the trash and the rest of the corn was soaked in corn juice from too much time spent in the bag, on the counter, in the heat & humidity. Uggghhh! Gross!

This morning the hubby & I moved throughout the kitchen doing our usual morning dance. I grabbed granola, he grabbed the almond milk, I got Dood's syrup, he made his pancakes.We're masters at this. Except when he bent down to find the perfect egg scrambling skillet, and I opened the drawer above him to get a spoon. I patted him on the back and said "watch your back" and what did he do? You guessed it. He stood straight up!!! Cue his scream of terror! Cue him as he grabbed at the pain on his back. Cue me as I gave him the "why don't you listen to me" look, followed by the awww baby let me see, followed by the run upstairs for band aids, followed by the patch up of the 2 inch gash on his back. Sigh.

I no longer question why men...this man...doesn't listen to me. We've been together far too long for that for me to ponder silly questions like that. I only wonder what he hears in place of the things I say.

I like to play a mental game of What I Said & What He Heard. Goes a little something like this:

Me: The car is making a weird noise.
Him: There goes that signed helmet I wanted.

Me: Can you write a check for Fidge's lunch account?
Him: Out of my account? Didn't she eat last week?

Me: Babe did we ever find our recycling bin?
Him: I wonder who won the Western Conference?

Me: So what do you want for dinner?
Him: I hope the Heat win it all! Lebron deserves it.

Yup, 'tis my life. I love it I really do. But I just hope & pray I don't I don't scream DUCK!!! and he looks around for something yellow that quacks!

How do you deal when 70% of what you say goes in one ear & out the other? Do you just stop talking like I usually do? Do you grab a loudspeaker & have at it? Where is the archived Oprah show on the subject?

Oprah Taught Me: 10 Lessons From The Oprah Winfrey Show

2011-05-25T00:00:00.004-04:00

There are a few things that are constant in my life. My mother will call me every morning to recap the most current of events, my internal alarm will not let me sleep pass 7:30am on the weekends, and everyday for the last 25 years The Oprah Winfrey Show aired at 4pm est. Today however marks the end of an era. I will not ugly cry over this post. What I will do is list the 10 Lessons That Oprah Taught Me. Enjoy.

Never Hold A Grudge:
Okay so my mother taught me this one first but Ms. O reinforced it. I remember her telling this story of how she was angry with someone for some reason that doesn't matter. One day she ran into them and the person was just as smiley and happy and could give no damns that she was mad at them. Oprah recalls that she was carrying the weight of that anger and grudge, meanwhile the other person had moved on and was skipping down the street.

Stupid 20s:
Every now and again Oprah makes a reference about how naive and gullible she was in her 20's. Nothing worse than actually being 20 something and having The Big O praising and celebrating how much she's glad "those stupid days are over". Yes, it struck a nerve and somewhere around age 24 I decided that I would no longer be another stupid 20 something girl stupid in love, in money, etc. It took another 2 years to get smart but she gave me the swift kick I needed.

You Never Know How Another Person Lives:
I believe everyone and every body is perfectly flawed and human. I have never put anyone on a higher plateau than anyone else. I don't care their position in life, POTUS, minister, or doctor. I don't care if they smile all day with their white picket fences and 2.5 kids. You simply never know what someone else is going through or where they've been. So when they hide an affair for over 10 years, father a child, while lying to their family and friends to maintain their political position it really shouldn't come as a surprise.Which brings me to...

When People Show You Themselves Believe Them:
I'm a bit of a jerk. I made this announcement to my hubby very early in our relationship. He of course thought I was being cute and snarky. I was being transparent. He later discovered that I wasn't lying. Everyday someone offers you a clue to the real them. Take it at face value. Don't offer an excuse to it or sweep it under the rug. That's usually the real them.

Never Let'em See You Ugly Cry:
Oh Oprah, that Mary Tyler Moore episode not only ruined your staff from surprising you ever again but it birthed the Ugly Cry. An Ugly Cry is a cry so ugly that instead of people offering you a tissue and a shoulder to lean on they usually hide their kids.

Never Go To The 2nd Location:
Hopefully this is one to know is theory but not in practice. The idea is simple. If you're abducted, fight, scream bloody murder (literally), and do everything in your power to avoid being taken to the second location. Criminals and all around bad people will want to take you to a remote location where no one will hear you fighting for your life. You'll most certainly be killed there. Never go!

God Will Dream A Bigger Gift Than You:
The idea is that sometimes we don't even truly know what we want out of life. Or that we're too humble to imagine the possibilities. You may have a simple dream of selling pies at the local fair made from your grandmother's recipes. Three years later you have a store front. Then 10 years later you become the Million Dollar Pie Lady with 7 locations featured on every major news outlet and endorsed by major celebrities. I made all of this up of course but it could happen.

Celebrate A Person's Life, Not Their Death:
When a loved one passes we want to mourn them in a way that represents our feelings for them. Often times the more connected you are with that person the more you want to/will grieve. It's only natural and it was natural for Jo Ann Compton who was in deep grief since the day her daughter was tragically killed. Dr. Phil, then a staple on Oprah helped her see that her daughter lived 18 beautiful years and yet she only focused on the day she died.

Read A Book:
Another Oprah reinforced lesson. I've been in love with books all my life. I'm sure The Berenstain Bears were the first I can read books I read. That was followed by The BabySitters Club and Encyclopedia Brown. There was also a few terrible years when I read nothing but V.C. Andrews and James Patterson. But then I graduated to mostly non-fictions and magazine clips. Oprah reminded me that it's cool to get lost in make believe again.

When You Know Better You'll Do Better:

Some of us are born with just a bit more know how than others. Some of learn from our mistakes, while others learn from other peoples mistakes. Doesn't matter how you learn as long as when you do you apply it. We know that smoking is bad for you and you shouldn't drink or text while driving. We know that what our children need most from us is our time. We know that you can't sustain yourself eating fast foods for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. If you didn't know these things, now you do. Do better!

Thank you Ms. Oprah!

What lessons have you learned from watching The Oprah Winfrey Show? What will you miss the most? What's your fondest show memory? What will you do now at 4pm?

The Only Secret You'll Need For A Great Relationship

2011-05-24T09:10:00.000-04:00

See? They're making it work!

I love the blogosphere. Heck I'm a part of the blogosphere But what really grinds my gears are all of these relationship blogs that cater to women helplessly, hopelessly woopin pa nub. I can't stand it. There is nothing: I repeat NOTHING a blog or a self help book can say to make you approach your relationship differently. Why? Glad you asked.

Simply put the heart will never do what your brain tells it. They will always be at opposite ends of the love spectrum. Example: You know Hakim is a disrespectful, lazy, no good dude. He won't even pick his Momma up from the airport. What kinda man won't pick his Momma up from the airport? Terrible. Just terrible. Yet you stay with him. You stay even after everyone from the your girls to the lady in nail shop tell you to leave. Why? Glad you asked. Because you're heart doesn't do what your brain tells it. It's impossible.

Now you're probably thinking. Well then we're all screwed. You're right. We are. We're also humans that thrive on companionship ~~and coffee.~~ So what do we do? How do we explore this love thing without ending up in Sheppard Pratt? What the heck is the secret?

Is it COMMUNICATION?
Sure that's a component. I mean you have to be able to express a thought to get what you need. That's what all the older gray haired couples tell us right? Isn't this up there with never go to bed angry? Talk talk talk. That's what everyone says. Ask the right questions (whatever they are) and basically interview your potential life mate. Hmmm...close but no still a doughnut short of a bakers dozen.

So then the answer is YOU SHOULD BE FRIENDS FIRST.
Yup, you should at least know a person pre-romance enough to want to just hang out with them. You should have some stuff in common to at least hold a conversation effortlessly. You should actually...umm...how should I say this...like them. But as nice as this sounds this isn't the secret either.

So if communication isn't the key and establishing a friendship first isn't the primary factor to a great relationship then what Dai is it? Glad you asked.

You want to know what the secret is? You want to know what makes for a winning fulfilling relationship? Here it folks.

Find someone as messed up as you are and grow together.

Huh? I don't want someone messed up like me...I'm not even messed up. Am I?

Yes, you're messed up. Don't fret. We all are. We're human. Which explains why when trying to find a mate we either do one of two things. We tend to look for someone significantly out of our league or someone 2000 leagues under the sea.

Typically women go for someone who will take care of them, thus finding someone out of their league. I know, I know we don't want to imagine that someone is out our league. However, if you're struggling to make ends meet living paycheck to paycheck and he's a successful entrepreneur with cash to spare it may seem that you've found a winner. But alas you are mistaken. Here's what will happen. He'll love you for a while, he may even take care of you. Eventually he'll meet Sandy at some smart person convention & they'll talk about all kinds of new techie things and then they'll have a drink. And we all know what happens after they have a drink so...

The other side of the coin is the woman who finds a fixer upper guy. She takes him home, feeds him, cleans him up, and teaches him how to put his dirty drawers in the clothes hamper. You know what happens next right? He fixes his shiny new behind right out of there to the next chick.

Okay, okay. I hear you. Dai that doesn't always happen! You're generalizing. I know a rich guy who married his waitress who worked at Applebees blah blah blah...

Truthfully, I don't care about that guy or that waitress unless she's also a cook & then maybe we can swap recipes or something. I digress...I only care about you. Yes you! If you like to skydive over New York City after Sunday brunch at least twice a month then you better find someone who can appreciate that. If you've been fired from every job you've ever had including your mother's bakery then you may need someone who is a little challenged in the employment department. If you have three bad azz kids then...you...you may need a belt.

There's a point somewhere.

Oh...here it is. Relationships are the crux of the human experience and the growth opportunity lies within the most successful ones. It stands to reason when you're looking for someone who's a 6ft, church going, corporate thug who loves his momma, that you would include someone I can learn from and grow with on that list.

Have you ever read a relationship book? Have you ever learned anything of value from one that you actually applied in real life? Does anyone know who makes Steve Harvey's suits?

Will Beyonce Run The Music World...Again?

2011-05-23T00:00:00.007-04:00

Album due out June 28th

Beyonce is clearly managing herself since she severed professional ties from her father/manager Matthew Knowles. The result has been the most sporadic and intriguing roll out of a new project by a veteran artist we've seen to date. On one hand there's the first single "Run The World (Girls)" which was either leaked or released as a snippet boasting production by Switch of Major Lazer, co-written by The Dream using a sample from Major Lazer's "Pon De Floor". Then there was the 11 second clip for the video, followed a day later with a bit longer clip. If that wasn't enough to entice you, a full minute trailer aired soon after. One got the sense that the video wasn't quite Sasha Fierce enough. On the other hand, once "Girls" was ready -- hyped up by it's premiere on American Idol -- it was seen by over 20 million in the viewing audience. Some tuned in to the show just for the video.

We're either witnessing a new era of how an artist breaks their new music or decisions are being made in haphazard fashion. It's still too soon to tell. However, for a seasoned star of Beyonce's caliber you would think this process would go a lot smoother with better results. With four weeks on the Billboard charts "Run The World" has failed to crack the Top 30 on the Hot 100, R&B, or Digital Charts. Even hard core fans are finding the song a bit hard to swallow. We must remember though that Beyonce has always leaned to her nearest inspiration when it comes to her sound.

2003's debut album Dangerously In Love followed her stint as Foxxy Cleopatra in the Austin Powers series. The music reflected loud horns from the 70s as well as a sensual soulful tone. "Crazy In Love" the biggest hit off of Love featuring Jay-Z paved the way for the next album. Beyonce studied how her future husband worked in the studio (creating healthy competition by pitting producers up against one another in different rooms) and it inspired her to use this method for 2006's B'Day.

Famously created in a face paced two weeks, B'Day's sound was loud, bold, and urban. Although it debuted at the top of the charts it wasn't until the pop friendly 4th single "Irreplaceable" and a repackaged deluxe CD complete with the "Beautiful Liar" Shakira duet were released that the overall album was a true success.

It seems that this logic of catering to her R&B urban Destiny's Child roots as well as the ever growing pop masses loomed over Beyonce. Thus, I Am...Sasha Fierce was born. Part adult contemporary Starbucks music, part club banging dance music the double disc attempted to appeal to everyone. Beyonce even released songs against each other starting with "If I Were A Boy" perfect for the Vh1 Top 20 audiences and "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)" for the 106 & Park set.

But something strange happened. While "Boy" was a hit there was no one way it could dominate the phenomenon that was "Single Ladies" accompanied by its video & Bob Fosse inspired choreography. The song became a YouTube hit, spawned a great Justin Timberlake Saturday Night Live skit, and was even covered by Liza Minelli on the Sex And The City Movie.

Recently in an MTV article Beyonce stated, "I'm mixing every type of genre that I love and I'm inspired by every type of genre...It's not R&B. It's not typically pop. It's not rock. It's just everything that I love all mixed together in my own little gumbo of music." If "Run The World (Girls)" is any indication of this new found gumbo sound we may need to rethink the recipe. Sonically the sample is nothing new. Lyrically it's another girl power anthem albeit one written by a guy who cheated on his pregnant wife.

But what Beyonce may lack in substance and innovation she more than makes up for on the stage. "Run The World (Girls)" will undoubtedly be performed a dozen times leading up to the albums release date. There will be chances to break the song on awards shows, talk shows, as well as on Oprah's farewell season. Audiences may just need to see the song come to life before they can get behind it. And for someone like Beyonce who is so at home on the stage this may not be a difficult task at all.

Working Out It Week: Hair Care

2011-05-20T10:55:00.000-04:00

I posted this picture last week on Facebook of my hair after 2 days of running intervals outdoors. While my roots were definitely curly and parts of my hair had returned to its wavy state overall it didn't look half bad. I filed this pic under: No excuses.

As a woman of color, particularly a woman with relaxed hair, I understand the plight we go through in order to maintain our locks. That said I can't tell you the last time I had my hair professionally styled. I've always done my own hair mainly because I don't have the time, energy, money, or patience to be in a salon weekly or biweekly. I can't imagine how it feels to sweat out a style after you've paid money for it. I can't relate to that.

So my first tip would be to learn your own hair. Learn how to do a simple wash, blow dry, and style.Roller sets work well and wear well. Also it's less heat applied daily to your hair. This may be asking a lot but I would even encourage women to save salon styles for special occasions, trims, colors, and take over the responsibility of your regular hair care maintenance. Also embracing your hair's natural texture will free you of the "creamy crack" and make you more likely to get active.

I'm not a total naturalista yet but I do a mean wash & go. Less heat, less product, less time in front of the mirror equals more time working it out!! Win WIN!

Moving on. Let's your protect your hair during workouts. Second tip should be a no brainer: Get your hair off of your face & neck! Scarves, clips, ponytails, and headbands are all your friends here. Use them until your workout is complete and you've cooled down. Then immediately let your hair down to let your scalp breathe.

If you're exercising regularly and sweating up a storm you'll find that washing your hair once a week just won't cut it. You may opt to fit a second wash into your weekly routine. It's inevitable that you'll have extra buildup of sweat and product in your hair when you work out so it's really important to take extra special care of your hair as well as your scalp.

I'm a bit of a product junkie so I could offer some of my own tried and true labels but I prefer to stress the importance of this instead. No matter what do not let your hair hold you back from being active and healthy. The last debate you want to have is do I want to be cute or fit? I hate to bring up men here but I have to. I've done my fair share of unscientific polling and guess what? There's not a man on this planet that would choose your perfectly coiffed hair over your health. Nope, doesn't exist.

Share your healthy hair tips. How do you wear your hair? Do it find it easy to maintain during workouts? What's the hardest thing about taking care of your hair while sweating buckets? Sharing is caring.

Working It Out Week: When It Hurts So Bad

2011-05-19T09:51:00.000-04:00

Yeah...I feel you sis

I planned to write a post on maintaining relaxed and natural hair while working out regularly. I was going to discuss styles that would protect hair during your exercise and suggest affordable products to use. I was even going to offer ways to maintain a healthy scalp between hair washes. I was going to do all of that. But in my efforts to mobilize and get my behind off of the couch it hasn't been as easy as I would have hoped. In my new found sense of urgency I over did it. I hurt myself. And it's bummed me out. And there isn't a hubby hug or a "you got this girl" from my bestie that can lift my spirits.

I feel like my body isn't cooperating with my mind. My mind is fierce and can run a marathon right now. My body on the other hand can not. No matter what I try to do all I feel is pain. God awful, excruciating pain. There is so much pain that I tag teamed my daughter into a Zumba session the other night, fell against the wall holding my legs and got angry. I was angry at my legs for not doing what I wanted them to do. I was mad that I lost control over my breathing. Mostly, I was just mad at myself for the years of inactivity that made me this way.

Logically speaking, I know better. However, the quick learner in me wants to know a thing, figure it out, and execute it yesterday. Running does not work this way. This will not be mastered in a day or a week or even a month and for someone who has an innate need to complete a task it's beyond discouraging. And I don't give a rats azz that Rome wasn't built in a day or that my body wasn't made this soft in 24 hours I want results NOW! Actually, that's a lie. I don't care about the results...that will come in time. I'm okay with that. I just want to be able to do it...NOW!

When it hurts so bad I'm forced to listen to my body whether I'd like to or not. Right now it's telling me to take it easy. It's reminding me of all that I know to be true. Give your body time to recuperate. Workout different parts of your body as the lovely Tetekai commented the other day. Most of all I have to remember why I'm doing this in the first place. I want to be strong from the inside out. I want to improve my heart and lung functions. I want to improve my flexibility and mobility so that I'll be around longer. I want my ego to understand all of this and consider this just the beginning. I need my ego to have nothing to prove to anyone. Yet that's how it works so more than anything I'm sure my ego is hurt most of all.

What do you do when it hurts so bad? How do you recoup? How do you keep from being discouraged?

Working It Out Week: 5 Things You Need To Know About Workout Clothes

2011-05-18T00:00:00.028-04:00

I'm Russel Brand. I'm English and quirky.

I joked last week on Facebook asking if anyone knew that most discount and department stores have magically areas that sell Activewear. I was only partially joking. Truth is aside from the occasional sports bra and accompanying someone else I never really set foot inside an athletic store. Obviously there aren't many athletes in my family. So there were a few things that I had to learn about buying proper workout attire and here they are. Sharing is caring.

1. The Essentials:

As much as I want to wear Hubby's old t-shirts and baggy shorts it doesn't work well. You need something that shows a little skin, isn't too heavy, and motivates you to move. Anything less and you might as well stay home losing hours on twitter. If you wear loose pants or shorts make sure they have a drawstring. Someone I know ran right out of her pants recently. I'm not saying it was me but I'm not saying it wasn't. Also, choose breathable fabrics like cotton or specialty materials designed to pull moisture away from your body.

2. Put Your Best Foot Forward:

I can not stress the importance of a good shoe. I spent a good deal being fitted with several different styles, brands, and arches. I actually left the store and came back another day just to ensure I made the right decision. Part of my short term goals is to run a 5K and I'm training outdoors on a trail. There would be no way in God's green earth for me to do this without the support of my sneakers. No way.

3. Socks Matter Too:

During my first interval training I stopped no less than 5 times either pulling up my sock or taking my shoe completely off to readjust my sock. Annoying! When you exercise a lot you can produce up to a cups worth of sweat. Gross right? So you want to choose well. Cotton socks are okay for light workouts. Anything that wicks perspiration is great for a more intense session. And wool socks are ideal for cold winter workouts. Also someone I know bought socks at a discount store. Turns out they were also irregular and had crooked stitching. I'm not saying it was me but...you know.

4. The Good, The Bad, And The Undies:

There is a not a pair of undies on this planet that will not go places they shouldn't when you're exercising. Turns out all of those running shorts with built in panties that someone overlooked may have been a great idea. You know someone didn't get them. Breathable fabric still rules here. A great sports bra can be more supportive than a best friend. After I told my mom about my walk/runs she said, "you must have had one helluva bra." I replied, "No, I had two!" Larger breasted women may find it necessary to double up on those double Ds in the interim.

5. Seasonal Gear:

Who knew you could actually wear a sweat suit to run instead of run errands? Someone I know never even considered the thought. Anyway, it's definitely spring here in the North East which means beautiful sunny clear skies one day and ran for the next 4 days straight. If outdoor activity is your thing then you have to dress accordingly. General rule of thumb is to dress in three basic layers: moisture management to pull sweat from your skin, insulation to maintain body temperature, and a shell to protect from the elements. Make sure your shell is lightweight enough not to weigh you down and large enough to fit over the other layers.

What's the one piece of workout gear that you can't go without? What's your new favorite find? Have you ever splurged to have that one essential item?

Working It Out Week: Do Something...Anything!

2011-05-17T00:00:00.003-04:00

This does NOT count!

Working It Out Week continues with great tips to get started. Again I preface this by saying that I know nothing about the subject of actually being fit (except that one year in '99). But what I do have are a special set of skills, skills that I've developed over a decade of getting started.

So here goes.

Tell a friend...tell several:

I know, I know you've already told the world several times over that THIS would be your year and failed...publicly. Who cares. You think that stopped Trump. Heck no and he quit before he started. Tell people around you and let them hold you accountable. Let them be your cheerleader. Join an online group or join forces with your co-workers. One of my oldest, dearest friends started a Facebook page dedicated to being healthier and it's great! We share our meals, our successes, and our failures. Support, motivation, and inspiration will always be a winning combination. Without even knowing it you guys are now holding me accountable just by reading my blog. See how easy it is?

Do Something...Anything:

Years ago I swore by Taebo. It had me in the best shape of my life. One of my besties is a runner. My other bestie is a swimmer. Going to the gym and taking classes works for some but it's not my cup of chai. But here lies the beauty of doing something. There's soooo many ways to move your body. Dancing, Zumba, Kinect Sports,Walking, Pilates. Who knows you may have a yogi living inside of you. Take your dogs for a loooonnng walk. Go bike riding with the kids. Just do something...anything. Make a commitment to exercising your heart at least 3x a week. Your heart will thank you!

Make Yourself A Priority:

If you don't have 20 minutes a day to devote to your health then you are doing life wrong!! Yeah, I said it. No excuses people. You either want to be around for a while or you don't. You want to be fit or you don't. I work full time, manage this blog, and am a wife and mother of both a teen and a Dood. No excuses. I'm tired. It's too hot. It's raining. No excuses. I don't like to sweat. I don't see results. No excuses. Remember the goal is to move and be healthy. The benefit is weight loss.

Move At Your Own Pace:

I've been so excited and euphoric in my walk/run endeavors that my lower legs gave out on me Sunday. I literally saw our car far off in the parking lot of the park and almost cried. I had been doing intervals for 5 days straight for a mile or more and didn't consider giving my legs a day off. It was also my second day out with Hubby and I wanted to show him what I could do. Big mistake...huge. 1st mistake...I tried to keep up with his longer walking strides. 2nd mistake...when the pain really set in my ego wouldn't let me take a break. But a major lesson was learned; ~~leave Hubby home~~ move at my own pace. Now I understand this:

Allow time for recovery. Many people start exercising with frenzied zeal — working out too long or too intensely — and give up when their muscles and joints become sore or injured. Plan time between sessions for your body to rest and recover.

5 Steps to Getting Started, mayoclinic.com

Duly noted. I think I see pilates in my future today.

I'd love to hear your tips to getting started. Do you have a workout buddy? What activities do you enjoy? What advice do you have for beginners? How do you manage recoup days?

Working It Out Week Presents: 12 Great Work Out Songs

2011-05-16T00:00:00.003-04:00

Kanye West "The NewWorkout Plan"

Welcome to Working It Out Week here at Alovelydai.com. All week long we'll discuss how to get started, how to maintain relaxed hair while working out, what to eat, and what to wear. No worries though. I'm only a few months removed from the couch so this is really about me...and you...and me. It's about getting and staying motivated. It's about offering tips I know but never put to use and a great way to have you (yes the YOU who are already working it out) help me help myself. First up, music to work out to. After all, sometimes we need a little something to push us.

So I present 12 Great Work Out Songs (in no particular order).

12. Pharoah Monch "Simon Says":

When Simon Says "get the fcuk up" you better!

11. DJ Khaled f/Ludacris, T-Pain, Rick Ross, Snoop "All I Do Is Win":

"Cause all I do is win." Who? Me! You! We the best man!

10. Michael Jackson "Don't Stop Til You Get Enough":

The hubby doesn't agree with this. MJ makes him wanna dance but sometimes the force...it got a lot of power...and it makes me wanna "Whoooo". Then after I "whooo" I work it out! Oh & there's a built in cool down too at the end.

9. Kanye West "Power"/ "Stronger"/ "Workout Plan":

Self explanatory right?

8. Beyonce "Run The World" (Girls):

Run the world both figuratively & literally!

7. Guns & Roses "Welcome To The Jungle":

Because when the going gets tough...embrace it!

6. Rihanna "Hard":

Ri Ri goes H.A.M on this one and you will too. "Where my bloggers at, where my bloggers at, where they at, where they at, where they at?"

5. Rick Ross "Hustlin'":

If you can flip burgers and shake the salt shaker ala Katt Williams you can definitely do a few push ups to it.

4. Adele's "Rolling In The Deep":

The tempo and pace of this song is great for running intervals. Every time Adele belts "We could have had it all" start sprinting.

3. Eminen's "Lose Yourself":

Lose yourself, push yourself. You only get one shot.

2. DMX "Party Up"/ "Ruff Ryders Anthem":

Just be careful you don't start barking at dogs. They might not take kindly to that.

1. M.O.P "Ante Up":

You'll be taking no prisoners with this one!! Cap that fool!

Your turn. Tell me what song(s) gets you pumped, amped, psyched, motivtated, and inspired. What song(s) make you want to go above and beyond in your fitness endeavors? Click here to view full video for Kanye West "The New Workout Plan".

I Feel Good About This

2011-05-14T11:06:00.000-04:00

“A pair of shoes can change your life. Just ask Cinderella.” –Anonymous

It took 3 weeks of clean eating before I felt the slightest curb in my starchy, salty, fatty, "OMG I need cheese crackers" diet. On the other hand, moving, exercising, and being "active" has taken me a wee bit longer. I was active one year in my entire life and that was 1999. I tell no lies when I tell the truth. In my pursuit of nothingness, i.e. watching mindless TV, reading books, swaying in the breeze, I forgot...could give no damns...about the real purpose of moving.

Many moons ago I passed by a much older lady -- small and frail -- on my walks to the school bus stop (hey I said many moons ago). Every single morning and I'm positive this includes weekends she practiced Tai Chi. I remember putting this image in my memory bank. I remember thinking I want to move like her. I want to be like Tai Chi Chick when I'm Tai Chi Chick's age.

But once again life got in the way (or I got out the way, not sure) and campus walks turned into car drives. Daily Taebo turned into a pile of VHS dust, then a pile of DVD dust. Late nights at the club were back seated for "beauty rest" and "being responsible". And long walks around the Harbor were well...I don't live close anymore.

I promise you if it wasn't for my children I would never leave the house on the weekends. If Dood didn't want to play soccer or ride his bike or do 10 minute playground this hermit crab would be shelled comfortably and Vitamin D deficient. If Fidge didn't want to go to the mall or book store or Chipotle I wouldn't do anything. Oh and then there's my aversion to sweating. I..I just...don't care for it. And pain...whoever said "no pain no gain" needs a swift kick in the throat. I have a crazy high tolerance for pain and yet I avoid it at all costs.

But the other day I walked and then I sprinted for over a mile. And the yesterday I did it even longer. And I can't wait to do it all again! I think somethings wrong with me. I...I..think I might...on a good day...when Pluto is aligned with Venus...succeed. I think I may actually become the active person my brain already thinks I am. I think that going from The Couch to 5K is...well...attainable. I can...maybe...do this.

On day one as excited as I was about my new running sneakers synced awesomely to my iPod, I was tired. I worked, took Dood to Speech, and a part of me felt like I lost the whole day. Maybe I'll start tomorrow. However, I walked in my kitchen and saw Fidge with her bestie wearing running shorts and tees and I said I can do this...and they are going too. Yes, I brought Dood and the girls with me. Fidge's bestie (who happens to run cross country) facilitated our stretches and Dood & I devised a plan. We would walk until we saw a park bench and then we would run to it.

The benches were spaced out so beautifully that without even thinking about it we were doing intervals. And before I knew it the lady in my ear said "One mile completed." You guys have no idea how proud and exhausted and accomplished I feel. I get it. I totally understand why the trail was packed with so many variations of people on the same mission. When the same man passed us twice I felt just a tinge of discouragement but it quickly formed into motivation. I'm going to run like that guy some day. I will pass people two and three times around this trail. I will be strong and spry like the little frail Tai Chi Chick. It will happen. I feel good about this.

How My Hubby Got Out Of The Friend Zone

2011-05-11T00:00:00.002-04:00

Sometimes my hubby catches me looking at him like I've never seen him before. I'm sure he thinks I'm weird or have some strange eye disorder. I'm usually thinking to myself; Self, how did this happen? That's D. That's your boy, your homie. This doesn't make sense.

But it did make sense. He's a great guy and I was ready for a great guy. So when he completely crossed the friend zone threshold holding me a little tighter around my waist on that miniature golf course, I surrendered just a little. When he flirted looking directly in my eyes, I didn't look away. When he gave me a big embrace and kissed my cheek just that much closer to my lips, I didn't budge.
And when he came to my home so that I could help him study for his professional license without any of his books or material, I laughed it off and said a silent what the hell to myself.

Dude was nice. He turned a quiet weekday work night eating pizza and watching Lion King 1 1/2 into the start of us. More importantly, he made no mistakes about what he wanted - me. He didn't take the back seat helping me shop for groceries or put furniture together. He didn't sit around listening to me vent about exes or recount my wish list for a great guy. He showed up as that guy and made sure to tell me so.

That my friends is the difference. You can sit by, hoping, praying, and friending your way into someone's life or you can step up and make it so clear that that person either has to acknowledge the possibility of you or let you go. There's a risk that someone may just get their feelings hurt. There's also a risk that you could ruin your friendship. Surprisingly, we have NEVER had the "what if this doesn't work & what will happen to our friendship" conversation. We trusted that it would either work or we could be mature about it ending. But here's the thing about that.

If you're in a friendship with someone who you'd rather be in a relationship with is it really a friendship?

Crappy Holidays Make You Cheat? Really?

2011-05-10T00:00:00.000-04:00

There are two topics on this blog that seem to cause a stir. Well...maybe they're not topics but rather than words. It seems that the mere mention of "penis" and "cheating" sends my stats sky high. Hence the reason why "Penis Envy" (a post that I wrote over a year ago) is a recent popular post. However, if I were to showcase the most popular post of all time it would be part one of a little ditty I wrote about cheating. I will not link to it here so if you want to read it go find it.

Yesterday I posted this link on my Facebook. A quick blurb for the lazies.

On a typical Monday, between 2,500 and 3,000 women join AshleyMadison.com. But on the day after Mother's Day last year, AshleyMadison.com saw close to 24,000 new signups. They anticipate that 30,000 women will join this year on May [9] -- the day after Mother's Day.

On Mother's Day, women in general expect to be celebrated by their partners. However, for many already suffering from a lack of appreciation, this day represents a continuation of neglect and disappointment.
Women have affairs for different reasons than men. Whereas men are usually looking for sex, women tend to seek attention that they're not getting at home. This lack of attention often makes them feel undesirable -- and feeds their need for validation.

via MomLogic.com

Before I could finish my green tea I received a comment, two inbox messages, and a phone call. All from men.

The Facebook comments ranged from "yup" to "any excuse will do." The inbox message asked if I agreed with the article and the call went something like, "Saw your update. So how was your Mother's Day?"

I guess men also want to know what leads a women to cheat. They're looking for answers just like most women are. I guess...I really don't know.

I simply thought it was an interesting article. The idea that women wait for a day (Mothers Day, Valentines Day, Anniversaries) as proof of appreciation, consideration, and love baffles me. Really? The idea that a day, any day is a deal breaker for an entire relationship is laughable to me. Really?

I have a dear older friend who's been married to her husband almost as long as I've been on the planet. They have great things in common and their own interests. Most holidays she spends with her husband then she retreats with her family which includes their only son. Her husband, she tells me often, is just not a people person, nor is he a big family all day kind of person, or anywhere close to the life of the party. He's a guy's guy. He fixes cars, bikes, and watches endless amounts of sports. If she wants anything he'll get it for her but here's the catch. She has to let him know. He has never or will ever do any investigating to surmise what she may like. He will not ask one of her many girlfriends. It has to be written on the wall preferably next to his tools where he might read it. This is how she lives but most importantly she knows and understands that this is the man she made a life with. He is who he is and she accepts that. Their only romantic moments come every Saturday morning when they have breakfast together recapping the week.

Long winded I know but I feel it's important to note that she understands fully the man she married. That's the real lesson. Know who you're with. If you need someone to suspend the moon for you then you better find that guy. If holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries are a love priority for you then you better make it clear that this is what makes you tick.

So before you get your panties in a bunch fretting over the next holiday ask yourself now the following:

How important is it to be appreciated and valued for all that I do either in words or in the form of a gift or outing?

Am I willing to permanently alter our relationship by going outside of it for the validation I need?

Sounds simple but clearly there are women who prefer being emotionally held hostage over being loved wholeheartedly. To those women I say it wasn't the holiday that changed your relationship, it only served as the giant mirror reflecting it.

Rihanna "California King Bed"

2011-05-09T13:36:00.001-04:00

Beautiful video and song. Now can we get a video for "Man Down"?

Katy Perry Vs Rebecca Black

2011-05-09T07:56:00.018-04:00

Okay so we've heard Rebecca Black's "Friday"...or at least one of a trillion spoofs of it...or seen the Glee performance. It's a catchy little ditty isn't it? HA!

For the 1% of you who hasn't heard it here it is:

Rebecca Black "Friday"

But here's the thing. We can't really laugh at the simple, ridiculous lyrics of Black's song when Katy Perry's song is well just as simple and ridiculous. She recounts her "Last Friday Night" with the rapid fire of a speed tweeter. Oh & there's a saxophone break down!!! Yes, how 80's of her!!!

I just hope the soon to be video has a montage of people wearing lace, neon yellow Swatch watches & aviator shades!!

Katy Perry "Last Friday Night"

What do you think? Does Katy have some work to do? Is Rebecca's "Friday" better? Do they both equally suck?

Great Last Minute Mother's Day Gifts

2011-05-06T08:07:00.003-04:00

For the Diva Momma


Mary J Blige & Carol's Daughter teamed up to launch this yummy sensual fragrance. $49.99

For the Cooking Momma


Cuisinart Panini Grill Press $49.95

For the "Me Time" Momma


Send her for a mani/ pedi then off to see Jumping The Broom in theaters today.

For the Runaway Momma


Nike Free 5.0 VK W omen's Running Shoe. Strength trains legs & feet, imitates barefoot motion. $69 & up.

For the Book Worm Momma

$16.00

$24.95

$19.99

What great gifts do you have in mind for your Mom's special day?

The One Where Fidge Asks To Bike Ride For 40 Miles

2011-05-05T00:00:00.000-04:00

So Fidge is mad because I never write about her Fidge antics. There's two very good reasons for this.

One, she can read...well.

Two, it's hard enough being a 14 year old girl without your mom blogging about you.

But since she's mad anyway let's see if I can piss her off more. This little anecdote comes courtesy of Tuesday. Yup, just a simple Tuesday where she stops me as I prepare dinner and says, "I've been invited."

"Awesome." This is the part where I should ask where, when, but she can speak...well...I taught her. She'll advise when ready.

20 minutes later. "I've been invited," she begins again. "[Insert friend who happens to be a boy] said he was bike riding with his friends on Saturday and I was like, 'Oh you just hanging out without me', and he was like, 'Well it'd be cool if you came too' and I was like 'Cool.'"

"Bike riding where?" I already know she has no idea.

20 minutes later. "It's on the trail and it's like 20 miles down and like 20 miles back."

"Fidge, you can barely bike a whole mile! You're not biking for 40!" My brain is already dumping this proposal in the deepest ocean next to Bin Laden.

"But you always say I should be more active and then when I wanna do something you say no." she whines.

"First of all, don't ever use the word 'active' in a sentence talking to me" My brain automatically sticks 'sexually' in front of it. "And B, you got yourself invited with him and his friends. He didn't even ask you. Let that boy have a day with his friends."

[Insert friend who happens to be a boy] was clearly doing the nice guy thing by invited her along. But I can already see him walking beside her pushing their bikes while his friends are 4 miles ahead popping wheelies and flying with E.T. over the moon. She has no idea what her calves are in for.

"I tell you what. Call your Dad and ask him." Brilliant. Why didn't I think of this first?

"But he's probably at work and won't answer his phone." She pouts and I think but you call me at work, da hell?

Then as a final act of desperation she asks the hubby - her step dad- who's been sitting there the entire time what he thinks and without blinking he says, "What? I wasn't listening." Great job hubby!

"Never mind." She stomps off.

So what do you guys think? Should I just let her bike ride all willy nilly on some trail with [insert friend who happens to be boy] AND his friends? I will not be swayed but I would love to read all of your reasons why the answer is hell naw!

The One Where Dood Gets Sleep Slapped

2011-05-04T08:14:00.001-04:00

I'll tell you the moral of this story right away so there will never be any confusion:

Never ever ever ever wake someone up to piss them off.

It's bad for everyone involved. The person who did the waking, the wakee, and the poor unfortunate Dood who gets his covers yanked off of him, yelled at, and slapped on his leg for drinking three THREE juice boxes.

Exhibit Q-Z0503


And didn't even discard the evidence!!

So I'm minding my own business, five minutes from REM sleep and the hubby push taps me (you know how someone taps you so hard it moves you back like a shove....yeah that's the right word shove.) Rewind. So I'm minding my own business, five minutes from REM sleep and the hubby shoves me to tell me that Dood devoured not one, not two, but THREE juice boxes!!!

This little booger didn't ask for juice, didn't drink just one, and didn't even throw the empty boxes away!! More importantly, I was sleep. In my sleepy stupor I slid out the bed, stammered to his bedroom where his Daddy had already tucked him safely away and scolded the kid with one eye open and a slap.

By the time I got back to my own bed I had to recount what I did just so I could understand what I just did!!! Then I prayed Lawd please don't let the sugar keep this kid up all night and Lawd if you're listening, because I know you're busy, please oh please don't let this kid wet the bed. Amen.

You know this reminds me of the time where the hubby & I were on vacation and I was thoroughly enjoying the hotel's black out curtains and the time delay and sleeping in waaaayyy past my normal. This man woke me up because he was hungry!!!! I repeat, HE was hungry. Next thing I remember I was in a buffet, still shaking from the abruptness of it all. The worse part? We get back to our room and he takes a nap!!!!!

I think I need to re-write my wedding vows to include: I promise to never ever ever ever wake you up for my own benefit...unless of course it benefits you too.

Don't you just hate when someone wakes you up for no logical reason? Don't people know that no good will come of it?

Bin Laden, Mariah Carey, Beard Guy & Not So Lonely Recluse

2011-05-03T08:55:00.000-04:00

For those of you who love the creature comforts of living under rocks Osama Bin Laden was killed. Yeah...it happened.

No one...NO ONE was more excited than Gary Weddle!!

Middle school teacher Weddle vowed after the attacks on 09/11 that he would not shave until Bin Laden was captured and/or killed. This weekend he finally got to see himself in a way that he hasn't since that fateful day almost 10 years ago. After about 5 minutes of crying he said he couldn't get it off fast enough.

Then there's Sohaib Athar (@ReallyVirtual). Former IT guy, "tired of the rat race and hiding in the mountains with his laptop" in the obscure town of Abbottabad, Pakistan inadvertently live tweeted the attack on Bin Laden. At the time of this post his small twitter following of about 200 people has blown to over 92,000. After some hesitancy he has now agreed to talk to the media about what he heard, saw, etc. Imagine that. You've quit your job, hid out in a small town where hardly anything ever happens, wake up late to the sounds of helicopters and gun fire, tweet about it, and overnight you become the guy who live tweeted the raid on Bin Laden's compound!!

And finally there's Mariah Carey. After years of safeguarding her personal life (especially after her public divorce from Sony executive Tommy Motola) Carey has opted to open the tabloid floodgates. First with her "secret" wedding to Nick Cannon in April 2008 and then with her over the top anniversary/wedding renewals. So it made perfect sense that they would feed the gossip monster by announcing they were pregnant with twins...then by announcing they were having a boy and a girl...then by releasing details of the baby shower. Then the nude magazine cover photos and the inside look of their $100,000 nursery. Too bad she didn't time the birth of the babies to a weekend other than the weekend when Osama was killed. I'm sure People Magazine would have given her this weeks cover story. Oh well she still hasn't revealed the babies names. Surely the twitter guessing that she started with her followers will garner some attention. In case you care both names start with M.

What other noteworthy stories have you heard since Osama was killed? Has anyone read about Tom Hank's son Chet's crazy deranged tweets? That guy was a little too excited about Osama's death for my taste.

MusiqInTheMagiq: Review

2011-05-02T10:25:00.000-04:00

The beauty of Philladelphian artist Musiq Soulchild's career is that he's stayed absolutely true to his namesake. With six studio albums over a 10 year span Musiq has done what a lot of artists are unable to do - make music. While other artists are solidifying their brands and relevancy with clothing lines, reality shows, fragrances, and beverages Musiq simply makes music. Imagine that. As he puts it, "I do my work and go home."

In today's music climate one wonders how to find the balance between the show and the business. Soulchild however, consistently has a "passion and authenticity in his approach."

With MusiqInTheMagiq, the newest collection in stores and iTunes Tuesday, May 3rd, the effect is quintessential Musiq, honest and reflective. A bit slower and quieter than his previous offerings Magiq is solid comfort food for the soul; a favorite sweater and the part of your day where you know what to expect.

While the lead single, "Anything" featuring Swizz Beatz is clearly designed to get the party going the remaining tracks slow it down and kicks everyone out the house. The result is organic mood music.

A few standouts include:

"Yes": A sweet song reassuring his love that no matter what the answer is yes.

"BackToWhere": Groovy little hook.

"Medicine": Melodic, beautiful harmonies.

"LikeTheSun": Classic baseline. Sure to be the favorite of the set.

Noticeably absent this time around are Souldchild staples; background singers and twins Ayana and Ayinke otherwise known as Aaries. Their harmonies have been sprinkled in every last one of Musiq's previous albums and most of his better songs. Musiq does his best to create the same feel without their voices but on this plate of soul food someone forgot the hot sauce.

Listen to the entire album on CentricTv.com and tune in to CentricTv.com/CentricLive, Tuesday, May 3rd at 8pm est for a performance by Musiq Souldchild.

Do you like what you hear so far? Will you get MusiqInTheMagic tomorrow? Let me know.

Stiletto-phobia

2011-04-29T00:00:00.000-04:00

Stiletto-phobia, n: The unhealthy, obsessive, anxiety ridden fear of not being able to sashay successfully in a shoe heeled 3 inches or more. The sudden reservation to cancel all plans due to feeling less than fancy huh.

I'm not a diva I'm not I'm not a diva

Streamlined. Sexy. Arched. 5 inches. Ankled strapped. Sequined. Shiny. Platformed heeled. I want to love you. I really do. I want to channel Carrie on a New York street. I want my inner Kimora Lee to take over and strut her stuff. I want a mean shoe game or at least a slightly disgruntled one.

*Sigh*

I am a jeans and tee shirt girl to the marrow. I rock comfort all day son!

In my dreams

I'm waiting for my Fairy Drag Queen to sprinkle some diva dust on my arches. I need it badly because as much as I want to, my feet ain't made for walking in these things.

True story. The hubby & I went away for our first Valentines Day weekend. I tried desperately to get all kinds of sexified for him for our dinner reservations at a Creole restaurant right near the hotel. My hair, flawless. My face, sparkling. My attire, hugging all the right curves. My shoes pointy toed black leather stiletto mules. In the store and standing for all of three minutes flossing in the try on mirror I was the shyt. Walking from our suite to the restaurant I was a wobbly mess. Ned the wino walked straighter than me.

I am not exaggerating when I tell you that my legs gave out, that my knees said, "where are our sneakers", and that I took several breaks holding on to my future hubby praying to Oprah that he would not laugh at me. The. Most. Embarrassing. Night. Ever!

I am not exaggerating when I tell you that in the cold February air with remnants of snow still on the ground I took those shoes off and walked my panty-hosed feet to the restaurant entrance. I am not kidding when I tell you that after putting the shoes back on to walk from the hostess stand to our table that I held on to people eating their meals as I walked by and fell...FELL...into my seat.

I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I nursed my glass of wine careful not to fill my bladder because God forbid I had to leave the table and put those awful shoes back on.

Maybe? Nawl!

I have a closet full of shoes that I can only wear in my dreams. I swear on Beyonce's freakum dress I stay trying to pull off a pair of them. I do all kinds of squats and calf stretches to build up my leg muscles. It don't matter. My bestie says my feet aren't rough enough. She thinks I need a few callouses and bunions. How the hell am I supposed to do that?

I'm doomed to a life of wedges and kitten heels.

I'd like to take a moment to apologize to all the shoe fiends, Lanvins, Louboutins, and Choos of the world to the Chinese Laundry, Jessica Simpson, and Steve Maddens of the world. It's not you. It's me.

I'm scurred and I quit.

Did I mention I wore sneakers up until 5 minutes before I said my wedding vows?

The Most Deeply Seeded Racist Fear Mongering Crap I've Ever Witnessed

2011-04-28T09:41:00.003-04:00

Disclaimer: I make a point not to discuss certain facets of my life on this blog. Those facets include the following: Sex, Religion & Politics. I do this because 1) It's more personal that this personal blog could explain & 2) I want the tone of this blog to uplift & connect us. I want my readers to find the commonalities between us rather than the issues that divide us. I want them to have a moment reading my blog and say, "Hey that happened to me" or "OMG I remember when...." My #1 goal has always been to make each a bit lovelier than the one before and to smooth the rough patches when I can.

That said I can no longer ignore the most recent & current attacks on our President. I will say that I am not a Republican, but close family members are. I have however voted for Republican candidates based on their take on issues I consider important to my state. I will say flat out my political leanings are more progressive than most but many of my views are moderately conservative. All of these things said I am hurt, disgusted, embarassed, and down right angry at the treatment of our President Barack Hussein Obama.

While I never subscribed to the belief of a post-racial America (it doesn't exist) I did subscribe to the idea of hope. I hoped that the people of this country would strive harder to realize that we all want the same for ourselves and our families. I hoped that we could work toward the issues that plague us; economy woes, health care concerns, lack of job growth, building our infrastructure, etc. I hoped that the mere sight of President Obama would inspire us all to dream a bigger dream for ourselves.

Sadly the political winds have shifted and blew in a sh*t storm. I have never in my life seen a President so disrespected simply for being the President and I voted and debated with others during President Clinton's second term in office. I witnessed his attempt and failure of a national health care plan. I had friends who were furloughed when his congress shut down. And of course most us remember his defiling of the Oval Office and subsequent impeachment proceedings.

I watched people get all right winged on the former President's ass. So I understand. I would love to think that the President it being treated just as the 43 others before him and that this is all politics as usual but it's not. In this so-called post-racial America the rhetoric spewing is some of the most deeply seeded racist fear mongering crap I've ever witnessed.

I have so much more to say but my rage won't allow me to articulate it. I clearly don't write well when I'm pissed. So I'll ask one question before I give Goldie the floor.

Since we can agree that small grass root changes are effective (ask those in the Civil Rights Movement & the Tea Party) what small change(s) can you make to take a stand against blatant bigotry?

Boycotting certain TV shows, products, hotels, etc. may be a good start. I'm just sayin'.

Please watch!!! A piece from Goldie Taylor contributing editor, TheGrio.com via Rachel Maddow:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

The Hubby's Ravens Man Cave Takeover

2011-04-27T00:00:00.001-04:00

Once upon a time this was our family room. We watch movies. We play games. It automatically replaces the kitchen as the center of our home whenever we have parties & gatherings. It was a great family room. It was my idea to paint the walls chocolate to hug us as we cozied up on the sofa. It was my idea to make one wall sports themed, the TV wall movie themed, and the left wall music themed. However, over the last few years the hubby has gradually hijacked the space and turned it into a Ravens Man Cave.

I can't tell you what came first the Ravens picture or the Ravens frog. I only know that one day I went to watch a movie and was forced to walk over a Ravens door mat & turn on the light using the Ravens light switch plate. I don't know when these things arrived. I do know that the Ravens football was a gift for Dood. I don't think he's allowed to play with it. Dood also had a toy basket in there as well. It was removed. Poor Dood. And poor Fidge. I think she has to ask permission to have friends over now.

I also used to wear the jersey that's now encased on the wall...I think...he has so many Ravens jerseys. Oh & signed helmets...we all swore on a stack of purple & black bibles that we would never ever touch them or look them in the eye.

But all is not lost. I still have my own space in our home too.

Nice corner right? LOL!!

I'm not sure what else he can add to this space. But I'm sure you all have a few ideas. Let'em rip in the comments below!!

5 Things That Men Need to Know...With Love

2011-04-26T00:00:00.000-04:00

My girlfriends & I have had waaaaaaaay too many conversations about men. If I had a dollar for each one you would not be reading this post for I would most certainly be shore side watching the sunset on my private island. But even on that seven mile island in the Pacific I would still discuss a man in some way. I mean who else is going to mix my cocktails...and by mix my cocktails I do mean actual mixing of alcoholic beverages...I think.

Anyway, we adore you guys enough to discuss you ad nauseum. It's a gift really. We do it to feel normal because guess what? Regardless of how unique our problems may seem chances are 3 out of 5 women have been there done that. But I'm not here to male bash or rehash an age old men need to do this list. Nope, I will never do that. What I do have are a special set of skills, skills that I've acquired over a long period of dating, breaking up, relating, etc. Okay they're not really skills just observations about what I know to be true and helpful in this whole man/woman thing. So without further adieu here are a few things every man needs to know to make understanding women that much easier.

1. We know you're not mind readers:

We would just like you to pay attention to the things we've already said. Get that? If we haven't made our needs abundantly clear then we've already dropped the hint, talked extra loud to our girls within ear shot of you, and more than likely gave you a neon map with specific instructions written in ancient cave man directing you with flashy lights & arrows to the exact thing we need you to do. Chances are we're just repeating ourselves. We're not expecting you to just know but once you know then please respond accordingly.

2. We want you to lead:

Yes, independent needs aside we love you to be men. We want you to plan, make decisions, and be the head of our household. We also think it's incredibly sexy to be proactive. Imagine the night you'll have if we come home to an organized home, dinner ready, and peace in the universe. Happy times men...happy times!

3. We believe in you:

This goes without saying but probably isn't said enough. Our belief in you is the reason we were with you eating tuna and ramen noodles in that dungeon apartment. Women have an uncanny almost detrimental advantage at seeing potential. This belief in your potential and growth is a gift...and a curse.

4. We prefer quality time but will settle for quantity time:

We don't always have to be around you and know you're every move. Lawd knows we need our space and alone time too. We know how hectic life can be and so we make a point to share time with you. If a week away on an island immersed in our love for each other is out of the budget or schedule we'll gladly settle for a quick iced chai at a local coffee shop.

5. We want the truth...really:

This is the hardest one of all. No man worth his maniless wants to see a woman cry. Sometimes in life the truth hurts and a hurt woman may just shed a tear upon hearing it. Thus in order to avoid those tears ~~or any tire slashing that may come with it~~ a man will not be honest. However, this truth or lack thereof is the very thing that keeps us both from growing. We're committed to making a life with you and dishonesty will surely ruin that commitment.

So that's it fellas. Just a few observations and/or reminders about things I'm sure you already know. Ladies I'm sure I left off a few.

What do you think our lovely men need to know...with love?

The floor is open.

The Weekend We Became An Old Married Couple

2011-04-25T12:12:00.002-04:00

Red Rock Canyon, Nevada

It happened overnight. The streets...we ran them. The nights...we stalked them. In fact my birthday weekend was just another stop on the grown express train.

The dress...Flintstones chic. The hair...ponytailed for the desert heat. The bracelets, the shoes, the bag all picked weeks in advance for this one night where the clock struck 12 and I would enter a new decade of awesome!

My most beloved accessory got us in Poetry Night Club's V.I.P where I planned to dance & party my new age away.

No such luck. The hubby -- after the preparations to get there, after the early afternoon scouting of the club in the middle of Caesar's Palace, after getting dressed, after the valuables were secured in the safe, after valeting the rental, after buying the $6 bottled waters -- looks at me (forehead shining from too many of my glossy kisses) & says, "Let me know when you're ready."

I couldn't even respond.

But at least when history is written about the couple who shuts down their kitchen promptly at 8pm regardless of who's visiting, who thinks watching a movie late on a Saturday night is wild & crazy, and who took a break walking from a show to the car recently because their new shoes wouldn't let them be great it will have a definitive starting point -- that night in Vegas!

No, there was no debauchery. There were no friends lost or tigers roaming hotel suites. No one gambled away the kids ~~non-existent~~ college funds (we came back with money). No one drank themselves onto a karaoke stage singing "Baby Got Back" -- the chick who did was hi-lar-ious though! We were two well behaved tax paying adults taking in a Cirque Du Soleil show & driving out into the canyons. Yup that's my story & I'm sticking to it.


Poetry Nightclub


Caesar's Palace, Las Vegas

Thanks again to the lovely Charli of ManWifeandDog.com for inspiring this post with last week's love homework assignment -- Take a visual trip down memory lane.

Oh & the hubby wants everyone to know that he's not an old man. He just "hates crowds" and that's different.

Who Would Perform At Your Wedding

2011-04-25T08:34:00.000-04:00

Anyone but this guy!

I admit I'm not the slightest concerned or excited for the royal wedding of Prince William to his bride to be Kate Middleton taking place less than a week away. Royal watches, news, and the general pomp and circumstance of it all just isn't my cup of tea. That said I am always excited to see who will perform at these lavish celebrations. While the young royals are said to be keeping it low key and traditional for the dignitaries during the Queen hosted reception at Buckingham Palace, rumor has it that everyone from James Blunt , Elton John, Snoop, and Beyonce & Jay-Z will perform at a later reception for their close friends.

Nice list if you can get them. But what if you could? What if you had an unlimited pick of artists to chose from? Who would you chose to perform at your wedding and what songs would you ask them to play?

Here are my picks:

Sade would totally get me down the aisle singing " I Couldn't Love You More". During the cocktail hour before the reception I would love for her to grace us with "Cherish The Day" and "Kiss of Life." Her gift to us would have to be "Smooth Operator." She's such an amazing performer and her band can really do no wrong. She could simply walk on stage say "hello" and exit and I would be just as thrilled.

Musiq Souldchild is another amazing performer who seemingly bridges the gap between the new school and the old school. He would please Dood & Mama Lovely in a single song! I'd love to hear his new singles, "Anything" and "Yes" as well as old faithfuls "Just Friends", "Love" "143." I would also love to hear "Love Of My Life", "So Beautiful" and "Until." You know...just a few songs.

Then I think just to mess with everyone's sensibilities and because it ain't a party until someone backs it up in gowns in tuxs we'd have to get Wu Tang in the building. Wu Tang loves the kids y'all!

So let me hear it. Think hard. Be creative and above all else don't forget to have someone there reppin' for the kiddies!

The floor is open!

Blue Plate Specials 3

2011-04-22T08:34:00.000-04:00

Sweet Potato Hash & Peppercorn Drumsticks

Lemon Garlic Linguine w/Asparagus & Cherry Tomatoes

Lemon Yogurt Cake
Recipe from Ina Garten recommended by Just One Donna

For recipes please leave a comment below with your email address. Or if you don't want to share your email address with everyone here you can email me at alovelydai@gmail.com.

Please use subject: Blue Plate Special.

How To Teach A Dood To Lose?

2011-04-21T11:29:00.002-04:00

Dood playing Kinect Sports

A few weeks ago I picked Dood up from Preschool and he was laying in the corner reading a book. Highly unusual for a Dood as rambunctious as he is. So unusual in fact that his teacher immediately walked up to me to advise that she asked him if he was okay or tired or not feeling well and he replied, "I'm chilling!" I was delighted. Miss Teacher had no idea why. When we got in the car I asked Dood what happened and he told me something about a train and his friend getting it first and said, "I was angry so I laid down". Again I was beyond thrilled.

You may recall that Dood has had some issues making good choices at school so I've been trying to help him come up with ways to keep his nice hands from turning into very bad bad hands. Seeing him lie down with a book "chilling" because he was angry was a monumental occasion. He was simply using the tools he was taught by giving himself a time out. *pats self on back*

Fast forward to last night at speech class. Mr. Speech Teach showed Dood some random pictures for him to observe and discuss in complete sentences. Each full sentence earns him a peg used for tic tac toe which he played against yours truly. Well certainly you don't think I'm just going to let this kid win do you? Heck no. You think my father let me win?

My dad & I used to play smack hands. It's a game where Person A holds their hands out palms up & Person B hovers their hands palms down over person A. The objective is for Person B is to move their hands fast before Person A flips their hand over and a smacks them. My Dad was relentless and showed no mercy. My little six year old hands were obliterated by my Dad's swollen calloused carpenter hands.

So no I don't let my kids win. Which turned a simple game of tic tac toe into a war zone. Dood yelled at me, then he cried, then he cried for his Daddy, and then he packed the game up and refused to do anything. Thus on the scale from great to poor, he earned "fair" for the session and didn't receive a sticker. Another loss!!

Needless to say the entire evening was a loss for everyone. And this is just another of a dozen instances where this kid can not take a loss. I used to think he was a natural gamer and his competitive abilities were a plus (and maybe they are) but I'm starting to think that it is NOT a game. It's life son! This kid will not lose. He will not go down without a fight.

He turns everything into a sport. He races us at dinner to see who can eat their veggies first. He'll trample you on the steps if you're ahead of him. He turns getting jackets and shoes on into a contest. The other day this lady was walking with her baby singing a song about being the best & Dood ran up to her and said, "No, I'm the best!" I don't lie when I tell the truth!!!

The worst part of all was hearing Mr. Speech Teach say to my kid, "Joshua you can't win all the time. Sometimes you're going to lose." I mean what kind of mess is that? On one hand it's absolutely true. On the other hand who knows what's he's destined for. Maybe he is a born winner. Who are we to diminish that competitive, determined spirit in him? How on God's green earth can you, do you, teach a kid to lose?

My Dad smacking the crap out of my hands didn't teach me to lose. He taught me to focus and pay attention to his subtitles. I learned to watch his eyes for the slightest change to avoid the smack and eventually I became just as good as him...if not better (okay that's stretch).

The point? I don't really know. I have nothing in my bag of tricks for this sort of thing. I realize some of his behavior is normal and absolutely vital. A few weeks ago he bit his fathers game controller because he came in 2nd place. 2nd place was the first loser to him and he took it out on the game. Truthfully it's his feisty nature that I love most about him. But again I ask...how on God's green earth can you...do you....teach a kid to lose?

Catering To My Man...In Public

2011-04-20T10:55:00.000-04:00

Not even the countdown clock could distract from the syrupy display behind me. The lovey dovey-ness exuding from these people I called my friends ate at the very core of me. The "babe can I make you a plate" and the "here hon rum & coke just like you like". The kisses to his forehead and hand pressed on his back sent me up the wall. Okay so you're married now. We get it. We were there! We bought gifts. Lawd only knows what they'll do once the ball drops.

Dood, screaming bloody murder way past his bed time, gave us the perfect exit strategy. Countdown to the new year, do a quick toast, and make our way back home. Perfect plan because I couldn't take it anymore.

This was two New Years Eves ago. Several days later I was still trying to figure out why I was so bothered by my friend's affection and attentiveness to her husband. Was I hating on their matrimonial bliss? Of course not. I love love. I'm pro love. I have a shirt that reads Team Love. Well I don't exactly own a shirt like that but if I saw one I would totally buy it.

Do I not offer my husband the same care and consideration? Sure I do. But I would never fawn all over him like that. It's just not me.

For some reason my feminine sensibilities wouldn't allow me to cater to my man in that way that was so...public. I realized then that in the comforts of our home I played the doting wife very well. I cook for him, make his plate, serve his iced tea. I iron for him, shop for him, and baby him when he's ill. And yet in the outside world there was something in me that wouldn't let others see me as that woman.

To me that woman is weak and submissive and has no say in the relationship and probably doesn't even make her own money. That woman takes no for an answer and spends her days learning to prepare his favorite meals and sew his socks. I don't want to be that woman. Even Destiny's Child had independence before they starting catering to folks.

But who says being that woman is synonymous to being a doormat?

I love taking care of my hubby. I love being attentive to his needs. Being that woman didn't mean I had no backbone and no mind of my own. It simply meant that I love my hubby enough to want to do nice things for him and if that meant fixing him a plate of food in front of others I shouldn't squirm at that the idea.

Clair Huxtable certainly didn't squirm. I remember an episode of The Cosby Show when she offers Cliff and Alvin a cup of coffee & Alvin replies that he "didn't think she did that kind of thing" and by "thing" he meant serve. Clair being the attorney and mother of five she was LET HIM HAVE IT! The point? Their relationship was a balance of give & take, 50/50. Reciprocity. She offered him a cup of coffee just as had he brought her a cup of coffee earlier that day.

Skip to 4:40

I had to learn that fixing my man a drink whether at home or during a gathering did not set back the women's movement. I would not lose any sense of my own accomplishments or empowerment by picking up his dry cleaning. I also had to remind myself that he never complained or felt any less of man when he did the same for me...which is often...he spoils me...publicly.

Run Alovelydai Run

2011-04-19T00:00:00.000-04:00

Run Forrest!!

The lovely Jasmine over at EatMoveWrite.com reminded me that I was supposed to become a runner this year. Yes, you read correctly. I, A lovely Dai planned to go from Sunday long Law & Order SVU marathons and bowls of cheese crackers to whole foods running on a trail somewhere...nearby...boobs sufficiently ducked taped down, bottle o' water handy getting my Forrest Gump on! She also reminded me that I sold my treadmill last year to a dear friend for $50.

Dear friend, if you're reading this I hope my treadmill hasn't become the new dust collector in your home. Oh & perhaps I can buy it back from you. I too have dust that needs collecting.

But first I need sneakers because I watched an episode of Rachel Ray recently & some expert said my sneakers are too old and won't properly support my spine or boobs or something like that. Oh & I need socks because trouser sucks aren't for running and those cute little one I have with stars and cherries on them aren't padded. And they don't collect sweat.

Then I'll need running gear. Maybe some cute breathable tanks (turquoise or fuchsia?) and those athletic shorts that athletic people who run wear. Do people still wear sweat bands? I find this may be helpful in my endeavors. I don't think I could endure the run without a handy dandy sweat band and a water bottle. BPA free of course. Not an aluminum one because I could run out of water mid-run and die a dehydrated death somewhere on the flat trails in my neck of the woods. The trails have to be flat because I'm hardly ready to run up or down anything.

This running thing is so overwhelming. Between my boobs, lack of proper footwear, coordinating gear, and BPA free clear water bottle I...I just don't think I'm ready for this. I haven't even learned to properly stretch yet.

So I'm asking all of you. What should I do to get on track? See what I did there. If you're a runner what tips would you give this beginner?

Post It With Love Homework

2011-04-18T11:03:00.000-04:00


"Can't wait for the next weekend! Love You"

It's no secret that my hubby is the hardest working person I know. He works weekends, evenings, and most holidays. It can get downright depressing at times. Our schedules are on opposite ends of the clock and it seems every weekend the clock strikes midnight and I become a single parent trying to manage the house, do a ton of chores all the while providing at least an ounce of fun for myself and the kids. It sucks!! Nonetheless, during this time of year his schedule slows down a bit resulting in a few weekends home sprinkled here and there.

This past weekend marked the first we've spent together as an entire family since...um....I don't know. It's been that long. I won't bore you with the details of breakfasts out eating Crab Benedict , shopping for spring clothes, and hanging at the farmers market indulging in fresh squeezed lemonade, smoked paprika and broccoli salad (it was all wonderful). I'll spare you the details of being spoiled rotten by the hubby and baking lemon yogurt cake on a stormy Saturday morning as a unit (it was magical). And I certainly won't divulge how much energy Dood drained out of his Daddy (let's just say he's glad to be back to work today).

So about my homework. Every Tuesday the lovely Charli aka the most awesome person I've never met in real life of ManWifeandDog.com assigns a fun exercise for the Wife troops to have fun with, bond over, and compare reactions. This week we were to share a little post it love. In short: write something syrupy sweet (or whatever works in your home) on a post it note, leave it where he's bound to notice, wait for the reaction, and share on our blogs.

I left my little "can't wait for the next weekend" note on our bathroom mirror and went to work. He called soon after and said all the right things that I also won't bore you with. Most importantly, he said that although family fun weekend was great and necessary he wished that we could have spent more time together with just us two and I couldn't agree more. We're now planning our next weekend getaway alone and I can't wait!!

Thanks again Charli for this fun and easy homework assignment. Can't wait to see what tomorrow's task is!!

Thoughts & Notes On Beyonce's "Girls"

2011-04-18T00:00:00.007-04:00

Fake Promo Shot

Editors Note: Full song included at bottom of post.

Last week the internets blew up momentarily over a snippet...I repeat a snippet...of what may or may not be Beyonce's upcoming single "Girls (Who Rule The World)". I say "maybe" because...

It all feels very weird and hush hush. Perhaps Mrs. Carter is down with the Illuminati because I can't remember when a song was as highly secretive as this. Perhaps it's all a ploy to release a song that has zero to do with the 22 seconds below. Best misdirection ever? We'll see.
This woman must own the internets. Remember the Alicia Keys video for "Put It In A Love Song" that she was to co-star? Remember the pictures of them filming in Brazil? Remember the video? Nope. You don't because it never came out. Not one leak.
Which brings me to the snippet. What kind of confidentiality agreements does Beyonce use? Is the punishment death? How is it possible that the song in its entirety hasn't leaked?
I've read a lot of comments about this snippet from "this is nothing new" to "the queen is back to slay heaux". The buzz is spreading like wild fires and people are talking. Are snippets the new promo tool?
Speaking of nothing new. The track is a sample of Major Lazer's "Pon De Floor". Swizz Beatz also recently used it for Diddy - Dirty Money's "Ass On The Floor". Not exactly the fresh music you'd expect of a highly anticipated return to dominance.
Select pictures from the video surfaced three days straight of Beyonce somewhere in the desert looking absolutely fierce. The theme of the video is said to be global women empowerment and I have no doubt that it will take the song to at least 4 new levels. She's said to be using her core group of dancers and reports say that she requested 200 more dancers to round of some of the dance sequences. An anonymous poster said the choreography will be bigger and more viral than "Single Ladies". They say a lot don't they?

Speaking of pictures. Someone even went as far as crafted a promo poster (shown above) for the video which a lot of sites including MTV.com picked up and featured before it was declared a fake. People are so hungry for anything new that they're making it up.
The title originally known as "Girl" singular is also pretty clever if you think about it. One search will lead you to a slew of other related Beyonce material. "Naughty Girl", "Broken Hearted Girl" as well as "Girl" from Destiny Fulfilled. Good luck searching for this new song even when it comes out.
Whenever that happens. Some reports said it would premiere this past Friday (it did not) while other say end of April. Point is, the fact that there isn't even a confirmed release date is just beyond anything witnessed in this digital piracy era.

If you haven't heard the clip yet here it is:

In all I'm excited about the return of Bey Season. It seems that this time around she really did lay low and live a little which has inspired her "own little gumbo of music".

So what do you think about the song so far? Any thoughts on the video's theme? What are you hoping to hear from Beyonce's new material?

The floor is open.

Editor's Note:
Listen to entire song here:

Blue Plate Specials 2

2011-04-15T08:12:00.000-04:00

Turkey Meatballs Peppers & Onions over Jasmine Rice with Garlic Green Beans

Broccoli Cheddar Soup With Asiago Cheese Bread

How To Avoid Being The Old Man In The Club

2011-04-14T06:00:00.002-04:00

"Please get this old guy off of me!"

A friend once told me that he married his wife because she's a good woman, he's not stupid, and he didn't want her to be with anyone else. Sounds lovely don't you agree? And yet there's an problem with this. I know this guy. I know this very well. I know that he's already lived a full life. He's well traveled. Well schooled. He's had many beautiful, gorgeous, (lovely), intelligent women. He's sewed his royal oats.

He watched his friends couple up and marry around him to the point that arriving to -- say a Christmas party solo -- became more chore than festivity. One might expect that for his age group. Yes, he was no longer a young pup. He had reached the age where people (& by people I mean the kind who wear bras) start to question what's wrong with him.

Is he a slore (slut/whore)?
Does he have commitment issues?
Did he just get out prison?
Did his Momma not hug him enough?
Does he have a few baby mommas?
Is he closeted?

And this just on the first date!!

There's an idea that men aren't scared of commitment, they're just scared to commit to the wrong person. There's also an idea that water is wet but who's keeping score. The point is that for every man who recognizes the greatness in their potential life partner long enough to put a ring on it, there's at least 9 more who are using their 2 months salary on some party and bull shyt instead of an engagement. To know this is to understand and appreciate that for these men the grass may just be greener on the other side of the club. Absorb it. Let it marinate. Then ball that idea up and throw it in the bottom of the ocean.

I've used my friend's why-did-I-get-married answer to devise this simple yet effective test that all men should take when staring their possible future in the face.

Here goes:

Is she a good woman? Decent? Capable of a loving, nuturing, reciprocating considerate relationship? Will she support you? Help you grow? Will she make you a sandwich? Will she lotion your back? Will she laugh at your dumb jokes and never forget to say, "baby it'll be okay"?

Once you've answered YES to that question move on to question #2.

Are you stupid? Are you capable of learning? Can you know a thing and comprehend it? Do you have the fortitude to reason? Have you been formally introduced to logic? Do any of these questions make sense to you?

If you've answered YES again then and only then may you ask yourself the last and final question.

Would you want to see your woman with someone else? Can you in all of your intelligence with complete understanding that she is a good woman worthy of love and respect see her...and I mean really see her...with another man? Can you picture them at the movies hand in the popcorn? Can you picture this woman...your woman...getting her shoulders rubbed by this Idris Elba doppleganger of a man? Can you?

Because if she's a good woman and you have the smarts then clearly she shouldn't be with anyone other than you. My friend was wise enough to understand this. He found his love and made a life with her. I'm sure he also felt his shelf life expiring. But nonetheless, that my friends is how you avoid being the old man in the club. That's how you avoid creepy gazes from much younger women clearly not interested in you and your Stacy Adams. That's how you -- smelling like decades old Cool Water cologne -- avoid being that guy. And nobody and I mean nobody likes that guy. Even Hugh Hefner is getting married again and he's barely alive.

This, of course, is just my lovely logic. Perhaps I just haven't met the really happy older gentleman completely satisfied with bachelorhood. Perhaps I just haven't met a man content with a tube of lube and a few choice video clips. Maybe there are single happy old guys in the club.

Which makes me wonder...have you met one? Inquiring minds. What do you think about the 3 questions? What other questions would you add? Don't be shy...speak up!

The floor is open.

Writing With A Crappy Memory

2011-04-13T06:00:00.000-04:00

My hubby has one skill that I would die to have. Well two. He's an effortless baker--he clearly has a knack for following directions and measuring, something I don't. And he has an awesome memory...about really unimportant things such as the first and last names of kids he went to elementary school with. He also pulls vague sports stats out his arse like it's...well...a sport. It's really impressive considering he has no idea what my social security number is. Seriously no clue.

I digress.

I, on the other hand, do not have total recall. My brain is perfectly equipped with a temporary delete option that dumps any and all useless information immediately after it's learned. Except for all of the words to Rebecca Black's Friday; that tragedy will be embedded forever. Uggghhhhhh!

My brain's temporary memory fails me at the most inopportune times. I can read a book, put it down, and completely forget 7/10th of what I just read. If I see a movie once it's lost by the time the credits roll. I can tell you if it was great or not but I can't give you any real details or premise. Crazy right?

It's a gift: The farther removed I am from an unpleasant experience the easier it is for me to have just a fleeting glimpse of it.

And a curse: I have no idea what my wedding vows were.

So how the heck do I write a blog where details and memory are required? Well my friends there lies the rub. Truth is it's extremely difficult. But it's also why I write.

Writing helps me focus on the what, where, why, and hows. It's the perfect brain exercise. It forces me to remember the smallest of details and when I can't I often rely on those closest to me. My bestie holds most of my thoughts, secrets, and memories with vault like precision. She knows the specifics of my life better than I do.

Pretty crazy right? But what if say I'm writing a review on...Marsha Ambrosius's live show? How do I prevent my review to reading like this?

Marsha sang a few of her old songs...y'all know her old songs right? Then the DJ played some fast stuff and then she sang some more...I'm pretty sure it was a cover from someone but I can't remember. Damn...what was the name of that song?

Extreme? Not really. This could very well have happened except for one thing. After the show I jotted down everything I could conjure and I use this tool for just about everything. I write to do lists, shopping lists, holiday gift buying lists, what to take to my mom's house lists, what to pack lists. what to take to Dood's school lists, and on & on.

I've also become quite the story teller. I spin everything from a TV show, my twitter timeline, or a conversation with my mom into an anecdote. Usually by the 3rd time I've retold the story it sticks and moves from temp files to my internal hard drive.

Sometimes I'm not so lucky. I can't tell you how many great ideas I've lost. Or how many memories I have no recollection of. But when it's all said, done, or forgotten at least I still have google.

But I do wonder. Am I the only person with this weird memory issue? Is it just a bad case of mommy brain? Should I start a reality show so I'll have it all on film?

What say you?

The floor is open.

What I Eat Shouldn't Make You Poop

2011-04-12T06:00:00.002-04:00

After posting last weeks Blue Plate Specials I was asked this question on twitter:

"I thought you were on a diet. What's with all that food?"

The answer was a lot longer than anything that I could say in 140 characters so I figured I'd make my case here. So let's get a few things out of the way.

1. I don't believe in diets. THEY DON'T WORK. Diet = temporary restriction. The premise is by eating well for a period of time you will lose weight. But what happens when you stop? You guessed it! The pounds come back. This is why dieting doesn't work. This is also why people stay in the gym and never lose weight. Their "cheat" days won't let them be great. My decision to limit certain foods that I previously devoured are permanent! I repeat -- permanent!! I will never eat a a box of cheese crackers or oatmeal cream pies again. I now understand the addiction and downward spiral attached those kinds of foods. So I just say no. Not in moderation. Not on any given Sunday. It will NEVER happen again

Why?

2. Because my rant was about processed foods!!! And let me clear about this because when I mentioned processed foods to my mother in law her brain immediately assumed deli or canned meats. These are also processed foods but I'm thinking much broader. Foods should rot!! Processed foods found mostly in the inner aisles of grocery stores (think cereals, soda, juices, cookies, cakes, rice mixes, canned macaroni & cheese, etc.) are made to last longer in order to preserve shelf life, cost less, and are made easier to prepare.
The thought is that humans want easy, cheap meals, that won't go bad. This makes sense in theory but since their invention (and I do mean invention) we've become a fatter, lazier society who heavily relies on these kinds of foods for basic necessity. Ever notice someone's groceries at the checkout lane and realize that they don't have one single fresh item in their ENTIRE cart? No, just me...okay carry on. So what's the problem you ask? Processed foods are stripped of the very nutrients that make them food. Take a simple sugar cookie. Ingredients should be flour, egg, butter, sugar, baking powder, vanilla, and salt. Yet it you ever read the ingredient list on a store boxed sugar cookie you would need a scientist to explain (and pronouce) them. The flour is replaced with bleached flour, sugar becomes corn solids and high fructose corn syrup, and butter (whew!) there are so many unpronounceable names that it's best to just leave it alone. When we eat highly processed foods they hit our stomachs providing temporary relief but they never satiate us because there's no substance there. The fiber, vitamins, and all around goodness is somewhere on a factory floor. If you want a cookie. Eat a real cookie with real ingredients. You will be satisfied with 1 or 2 cookies and will not feel the urge to consume the entire bag. I promise. Oh and if you think those cereals are chuck full of vitamins and whole grains you would be right except they were sprinkled in after the fact. Another point: notice how whenever there's a new health claim cereal adapts to it? Now with IRON. Now with 1/3 less sugar!! 10% of your daily fiber needs!!! 14g of whole grains!!! Now with 5g of monkey balls!!

3. So back to "what's with all that food"? All that what? All of those fresh whole ingredients?? All of those fresh peppers, chopped peanuts, and whole wheat pastas?? Was it too much fresh herbs, chopped cucumbers, carrots & brocolli? Or was it the lean ground turkey, boneless chicken and turkey sausage? I know -- it was probably the cheese wasn't it? It's always the cheese but remember I'm also not on a low fat diet because...well see point #1. Remember the low fat movement gave way to the high sugar movement (The fat content in foods were reduced and replaced with more sugar to preserve taste. Think fat free, reduced fat, low fat. All of these items are definitely lower in fat but higher in sugar!!) and that hasn't worked well either. Also looks can be deceiving. The standard American dinner plate is 10" in diameter. My blue plates are 8". Smaller plates will always equal smaller portions.

I realize that my cleaner eating habits are confusing especially in a world where food is advertised as "beefy" and "cheesy" (note: it's not 100% beef & it's not cheese) and where we think yogurt and low fat yogurt are both yogurt (hint: low fat yogurt is NOT yogurt). What I eat shouldn't make you sh*t but it will definitely make me sh*t because it's real food with real fiber.

Which makes me wonder. What's the worse processed thing you've ever had? I'll go first. Canned turkey chili with beans. Gross!!!! It looked and tasted like dog food and abuse. As for my hubby, he loves Entenmann's Louisiana Crunch Cake & those cheap Lipton rice & pasta mixes where you add milk and voila it's Alfredo!! Your turn!

Marsha Marsha Marsha Live at BET Music Matters Tour

2011-04-11T06:00:00.001-04:00

Once Marsha Ambrosius hit the Ram's Head Live stage in Baltimore, MD all seemed right with the world. The traveling on a work night, the standing in stilettos, and missed dinner opportunity to prep ones hair and get there early enough for prime positioning made sense. The crowd had its headliner and she was geared to turn down the house.

Stunning in a mini one shoulder teal jersey dress complete with jeweled belt Miss Marsha got right to work. The opener: a fusion of "The Art of Noise" and the title track from Late Night Early Mornings. Her voice: is sex-tacular a word?

Having successfully pleased the crowd she wasted no time delving into her bag of goodies. A little "Say Yes"...YES!!! A run through of some of her newest offerings including, "Your Hands" and "I Hope She Cheats On You"...don't mind if we do!

But what's a girl to do when the majority of her music is better listened to horizontally? Borrow Mary J Blige's "Real Love" and Baltimore staple Dru Hill's "Tell Me". Breaking out the requisite "Tell Me" dance from the video was another clever touch. And since Ms. Ambrosius clearly understood her base, why not allow the DJ a little fun working the crowd into a frenzy with some choice classic Bmore club music!

Marsha knew how to use the venue to connect with her fans even when their screams drowned her delicate British accent. Yet she wasn't the only one.

Melanie Fiona literally hit the stage running. She flawlessly sang & danced during a sped up version of "Ay Yo" accompanied by the only background singers of the evening (Marsha had none). She chatted and joked with the crowd between songs (specifically that her sophomore album was trapped in label politics and due out "summer-ish") and impressed everyone singing her biggest radio hit "It Kills Me" as well as Alanis Morissette's "Ironic".

Announced as The President's favorite singer (yes that President) Anthony David was right at home pulling songs such as "4Evermore" and "Girlfriend" from his repertoire.

CJ Hilton also made the best of his duties opening the show in front of his finicky hometown. The gathering still buying drinks and not quite ready to be entertained by this newbie was eventually won over by the time Hilton closed out his performance with "We Can Get It In" doing everything he could including playing the keys & drums.

For everyone in attendance it was evident that even in this manufactured you tube era music still matters. Although a few exited the club as Marsha briefly left the stage for a planned encore it was clear that the majority didn't mind losing a few more minutes of sleep to witness her close out the show with "Lose Myself" which she so graciously reciprocated with a final "Thank You For Being A Friend" ala Golden Girls.

Disclaimer: In my excitement I left my camera home so this is not my video. However, I'm sure some of those screams are mine.

Blue Plate Specials

2011-04-08T06:00:00.004-04:00

Turkey Sausage Pepper & Onions over Whole Wheat Penne Topped With Fresh Basil & Parmesan

Peanut Chicken W/ Cucumber & Cilantro

Turkey Meatloaf W/Marinara, Mac & Cheese & Lemon Garlic Roasted Broccoli

The One Good Day Theory

2011-04-07T06:00:00.004-04:00

I drove home, iTouch shuffling, windows down, volume loud enough to hear, low enough not to disturb the little Mom & Pop shops along Lincoln Highway. Adele's voice is crooning through the Bose speakers but it doesn't soothe me. Her brilliant voice -- strong like earth -- is pissing me off.

She sings:

Some say I'll be better without you,
But they don't know you like I do,
Or at least the sides I thought I knew,
I can't bear this time,
It drags on as I lose my mind,
Reminded by things I find,
Like notes and clothes you've left behind,
Wake me up, wake me up when all is done,
I won't rise until this battle's won,
My dignity's become undone,

But I won't go,
I can't do it on my own,
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk,
I won't go,
I can't do it on my own,
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk,
I'm willing to take the risk,

~Adele "He Won't Go" 21

I wanted to strangle her. I wanted to ask her why she's waiting & suffering. I needed to know why she "can't do it on her own". I needed to know why she thinks that's love. And most importantly, what's the "risk"?

But it's really a moot point. We already know. I already know. We sing along remembering anyone that's ever made us understand those lyrics. We've been there at some point because unless you were blessed to still be healthy and happy with your first love chances are you've had a failed relationship. And chances are within that failed relationship you tried desperately to stay and make it work. And chances are if you tried desperately to stay and make it work you hang on with a fixed view of the good times just waiting for them to reappear. And chances are they won't.

Many moons ago I was in this same vicious cycle with my ex. I wouldn't go. He wouldn't go. If I think about it long enough I'd say it took us two years to break up. And if I think about it long enough we were both after the same thing. We both were battling it out in hopes of getting our relationship back to what it used to be. (Whatever that means...I mean c'mon. Relationships are about growth right? How can it stay constant?).

And so we fought the inevitable. Thursday through Tuesday we would ignore, berate, and demean each other and then by Wednesday we'd have this awesome day. Wednesday was a magic eraser to the rest of hell week. We'd laugh, remember our common bonds, and agree on everyday. It was a glimpse of how we used to be. So we stayed together waiting for that one good day to turn into a week and then a month and maybe 'til death parted us.

It aches me to my core when I hear people discuss their sour relationships by the day. "We had a good day yesterday." "Tuesday we didn't cuss each other out."

One good day doth not maketh a relationship. And truly when I think back to those sporadic really good days I was on eggs shells the whole 24 hours -- every word wrapped in fine silk.

At some point we -- I-- understood that as much as we wanted things to be better we were doomed to a life of misery with a few good days sprinkled here & there.

But I have to wonder. Why else do people linger in broken relationships? What do you think?

The floor is open.

Note: Adele's "He Won't Go" is a beautiful song. Her entire CD is beautiful. Sometimes I take lyrics a bit too personally. I guess it's why I can't listen to my hubby's gangsta music!